Shitty day...

Just realized that recently,i only update this blog when I'm upset. Seriously, I've nvr felt like this before. Always had tot that I can resist the temptations from using the penknife again. 可是，哭着哭着，不知不觉地又把刀片拔了出来。 I've lost too many friends through a break up, I can't afford to loss anymore friends. Especially that one special friend whom knows and understands me the best. Yet, he today really had done something I nvr tot would happen. :'(

Ærlig talt, jeg hadde egentlig ikke utvinnes fra bryte opp ennå. Ja, kanskje noen av dere har tenkt at jeg er lang over det. Jeg har prøvd smilende den bort mens det fortsatt gjør vondt meg som dritt.

Typing while bleeding... Hahas!! At least I know when to stop before I end up in the hospital. And yes, sorry I broke the promise. I couldn't tank anymore of this.

I really just need one person to care. Someone who really knows me well. That's why I've been caring so much for my friends. And yeah. Which of 3 told me off today for annoying them. "Reap what you sow" I guess it doesn't apply to me. And yes, you said that I've no life. You're right. I lost it. I'll just consider myself dead from now on okay?? I know you're happy to know that. Cos I know wad to expect when I die. I become a wandering spirit, loitering the surface of the earth, not expecting anyone to know of my existence. And that's wad I'm gonna be. So much for best friends who just treat you as ghosts.

And yes, I cut. I broke my promise. But wad's done's done. Hahas!!

Until next time.

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Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.8

Freak me!!

Fucking ruined my own Thursday. Started off quite well. Got back my papers. Though not happy but glad that at least I didn't do as bad as I expected it to be. Stayed back in skool for RCY, went to the  teletubies hill and had some games. Then back to skool, some more games, debrief and off to home. For the whole day, had been expecting to go jogging at night. In the end it was canceled. Nvm. Life's unpredictable, things which are planned would most prolly always not work out well. So now, just looking forward to tml's gym-ing session. But as per normal, I nvr expect us to go gym tml. Cos I know in the end, somehow,I just can't go. Hahas!! Sad. Well, but no choice. Yes, others treat me as substitute. I dunno if you do too. I want even talking about you and yet, you sent me 6 msg on whatsapp. I was so scared and shocked. I can't afford to lose you in my life. I lost you to another girl twice. First time,I was lucky I got you back, but I wasn't as lucky the second time and since then, I changed. Maybe not in your eyes, but I know my friends certainly saw it. That's why they drifted apart from me. Well, I'll nvr be the same old me again unless I'm with you. Maybe that's the reason why you tot I was still the same. It's only with you that I feel alive. It's only then that I feel human. Other times, I dunno who that other person came from either. Nvr smiling, always faking. In used to not having friends like that around me. That's the dependent part of me. But I can nvr survive if you were ever to Waltz outta my life. I'm already broken when I lost you and nvr got you back. I still have a huge part of me with you that I nvr want to take back from you. I nvr wanna take it back. I dun wanna take it back. I can't take it back. I must not...
You went to the doc today. And spent unnecessary money to chao geng. Okay, it was just a joke. You're too tired, you need a rest anyways. Sleeping so late to read Manga and waking up so early the next morning to prepare for work. It's tough on you especially when you are trying to spend as little money as possible, falling sick is easy. You should take care of yourself. I want someone perfect and you're it. Things that might matter to others like lying are fine to me. As long as I trust you which I believe I do. Such a pity, I found wad I really wan yet, all I can pray for is that he doesn't exit my life. All day and all night, same prayer yet, I'm afraid one day, you would exit my life like how others did. You're the only one person I can't afford to lose. It might not be the same for you but I dun care...
I fucking hate myself!! I had to"spam"you on whatsapp, I dunno wad was wrong with me either. Bipolar syndrome maybe??
I feel really lousy... No matter in which area or aspects in life, I'm nvr up to standard. No point trying anymore right. All of the people I have left in my life thinks the same way. I'll always be under par in your eyes, in the teachers' eyes, in my parents' eyes, in my friends' eyes. You know how it feels like to disappoint the most important people in your life?? The feeling I tell you, sucks to the core!! Always making my loved ones angry, upset, heart broken, disappointed. I nvr wanted to do that. But hey, I didn't wad had gotten into me either. Worse part, I can't even make myself happy anymore. Even if I feel like crying, tears are always held in. you all will nvr know how it feels. And yes, having everyone say that I'm childish. Fuck. Seriously, I HATE THAT!! But do you know how painful it is to just smile and say thank you for that?? Yes, I'm used to it. But it still hurts and it hurts more and more each day. Sometimes, I seriously feel like killing myself!! God, I'm sorry I failed to be the creation I should be. I failed you, I sinned, I did things which I want supposed to do. I dun seek for forgiveness for I know that I always repeat my own mistakes no matter how many times you were to forgive me. Can you imagine?? I planned to end my day with a phone call with someone important and hopefully be able to wish him goodnight yet I ended up pissing him off?! Fuck, I was hurt by the tone he spoke to me in. I know he didn't mean it as he was tired. But still, it freaking hurts!!
It's just like how I used to talk to him. I nvr considered about how he would feel back then when I said those words. And now, retribution befalls unto me. I got back wad I harvested. Except, it's in hundred folds. Wow, God is good. I got back what I've sown.
Great, I still have to attend skool tml morNing. Shall koonz now... Bye and Fuck myself!!

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Not that I wanna say...

You know wad... I'm really upset right now. I know, it's all my fault to have caused you to lose everything that you had. A good girlfriend, a great bunch of friends, your best buddies. I even almost made you lose that friend of yours whom you die die cannot lose. Not I wanna say but, your friendships are built up with lies. I've been lying for you and I didn't even once tried lying or finding excuses to cover up for wad I did. Yes, those things, I've kept it from my

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A Long Long~~~ post!!

Hey Y'all!!!

I'm back!!

It's been a long time since i last updated this almost dead de blog.

Why i suddenly post leh??

Cos our dear sleeping god too bored liao.

Need entertainment. 

So, here i am!! :DDD

Lemme see...
This blog had been quite dead since... 220612.
Abandoned for around 2 months plus??
For the past 2 months plus, many many things had happened.

I've made wrong judgments,
trusted the wrong person with very important things and got myself into much trouble...
Haix!!
Regretful much!!
But, no point crying over spilt milk...

So now it's sec skool students' one week holiday.
Honestly, i think the holiday is seriously no use to me la.
Slack at home all day and only going out at night to chiong exercise.
Good thing i have someone to accompany me to exercise.
Else uh... From skinny become fats here and there.
Have been eating a lot a lot.
So honestly, $100 per month where got enough...

Let's see... This week Monday(1st day of hols).
Home all day slack, watch TV, Eat, Sleep, Lazing around  in the day.
At night, went gym-ing with Kor.
First time go gym leh...
You break another of my virginity liao lo.
Dunno how many more virginities you wanna take away from me uh.

Ran on the thread mill.
Run finish liao i was like heh heh heh heh heh!!!
Phant likea dog!!

Tuesday, same routine.
Until at night, gym then swim.
Till... Hmm... STM~ I forgot wad time.
Then got home, eat, shower, sit-ups, KOON!!!

Wednesday, which is also yst.

Same routine again!!

Then gym at 7pm and to stadium to run till around 9pm??

Then daddy drove me home.
Had Grilled salmon for dinnz and then koonz after talking on the phone.

And today's thursday.

Gek muscle early in the morning and walah!!!

Wad the hack was that...
MUSCLES?! *gasps*

Scare myself only...

But seriously uh, 17 years or my life nvr once i have muscles de uh...

So , after that, *stomach growls* DU ZI E LO!!!

Went to vista point to buy meal.
Initially planned to have nasi lemak but sis wanna eat nasi lemak.
So, i ate something else.
Decided to settle with a protein-ful meal.
Packed spicy chicken with rice (korean style) and bought soya bean milk.
Homed, eaten and tot if i should continue doing homework but that stupid girl go on TV...
Procrastinating...
Watched TV ...
Then, here i am!!!
Hehehehehehes!!!

Okay...
I still have 3 days before before skool starts again.
And on Monday, it's SS paper.
Haven even studied!! OMG!!! >.<
But SS very easy study de la.
So, relax~~~

Hmm... LEmme seeeeee...

Is this long enough??

Hao xiang bu gou chang hor??

Well, anyways~~~

Tonight's gonna go gym again.

Chiong exercise lo!!!

Gonna end the post with...


CUTE RIGHT???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!!!

Until next time~~~

Things just couldn't get any worse than this!

I think I'm really sick... Haiz!! The last thing I wanna get when no one is gonna take care of me. I hate this feeling. Makes me miss the hugs and the company of the one who used to sit by my bedside when I was sick. I swear I need someone right now to hug!!! I miss that scent! I'm scared!!! For no reasons... Call me a coward. But that's how I am, get scared easily by the littlest things :'(
Yst I was like. Wah... You fall sick more than I do hor... And today, I have to take back my words. But you still fall sick more than me in... let's say 3 months ba. Yst ask you take anarex for headache and fever. Today, my turn to take anarex, for severe headache!! Now all I have to do is to wait for half an hour to pass. Hopefully it would go away.
Today, I told myself that I have to finish English essay and SS SBQ. In the end, I found out that I left my SS book in skool. Can't do, so I wanted to complete my essay. Half way through the day, I was sneezing like mad. More than 10 times in a row. I swear that I could have fainted due to lack of oxygen. Sneezed so much I curled up into a ball. Soon, tears were rolling down my cheeks. Then, cried for no reasons. Hehes... Eventually, landed in lalaland for an hour plus only to be woken up by the headache. 真的很辛苦啊！Dear God, please be nice to me. Dun ever let me fall sick again without a boyfriend or a guy for me to hug! >.<
I'm not that independent. I'm slowly trying to. But just not yet.
Haix! Today actually wanna drink alcohol de. But considering the current headache that I am having, the alcohol could only make it worse. At least I'm still responsible for my own health.
As for my English essay, I done like 4/5 of it already. Just a little of the forth para and the last para and I'm done. But I think I'll only finish it tml. Cannot tahan the pain liao. Hate it when the park is just downstairs... Noisy even with windows closed. Causing more stress to my head!
Feel like just screaming downstairs "야!!!! 시끄러!!!". Even though I know maybe not even a person will understand wad I'm talking about, but that confirm will just shut them up. But, I now talk also mummy have to go "huh?!" Liao. How to shout?? Can't. I feel so pathetic! 真的很想哭了啦！

Twin towers kena earthquake??

Wahahahahahas!! Actually dun wanna be busybody de la. But looking at the state it became, hurts me la!! 5 Years together de buddy, brother, partner suddenly become like this... See le very Teamwork. You 2 both told me before la. Without each other is like hard to finish work. Hahahahas!! I know okay... Can see de. Dat's why always got meeting right. Need to meet up to talk things out and complete work which needs to be done. I know the situation now. Sudden meetings. It's always been like this isn't it??
Although i dunno how you 2 are like now. Cos also not very close le. But i remember how it was like. You 2 always strove for the best for the unit(WGS) de. You confirm remember me asking you "Me and NPCC, which one you choose??" You told me NPCC okay. Although at that time i was a lil upset but still happy that you know your priorities la. It shows that you know wad you wan. Remember your answer when i asked you why NPCC??? You said that NPCC is like your second home where you grew up at. The place you learnt lotsa things and it is where your passion is. REMEMBER OR NOT???!!! Gotta tell you, your ans hor... Very touching ah but i hope it's not just a line that you've rehearsed to tell it to other people just so that they will trust you la. Cos the passion coming from your eyes when you said that, it just sparks the feeling of "WOW~~~ Rare peeps. You're so gonna be successful in the future".
So now, 饮水思源!!! That word, familiar hor?? My chinese not good ah... You can tell me wad this means?? I think i forgot leh... But hmm... Didn't mean to trash you but, hehes! Your home and new house. You choose. Which one you wanna stay in?? If you choose the new house, and you abandon your home, dun you feel like "this is so wrong, no matter wad, that place holds lots of my memories. Without it, i wouldn't be able to be who i am now" those kinds of feeling de meh????? NO HAVE???? It just feels like suddenly that full of 人情味 de person became so disappointing towards the person who brought him to success. 
You may wanna start a new life of some kind or even, to wanna settle down thinking that it's time you made that decision. It may not be the first time you made that decision, but remember, why do you wanna think this way?? Just because you've finally found something or someone who made you feel like it?? Of cos not right?? You must have went through lots of trails and tribulations, gone through lots of stepping stones, met with failures and disappointments before you finally feel that you have found the "way of life" you really want. Correct me if you think that i'm wrong. 
If this is really so, then don't you think that you have to give thanks and gratitude to the people of the past too?? The "stepping stones" which have made you who you are now?? Well, unless you're not greatful for wad you are thinking now, you SHOULD be thankful to all the people you've met with, the people you've worked with and the people whom once, been so significant to you. You might be thinking that they are not important now but since they've brought you to where you are now, don't you think that actually, they ARE still significant and will always be no matter where you ended up in?? No matter if they were your enemies, partner, anti-fans, admirers, buddies, teacher, lecturer, acquaintance, friends, best friends, students, family, stranger, or even someone who had hurt you badly.Each one of them have taught you something in life. E.g. a rapist(if you were to be raped before). Although the person raped you but hasn't it made you wanna be more aware of the people around you?? Haven't you actually gained something from being more aware?? Okay maybe not. But it must have helped you avoid the same thing from happening again. Didn't it??
Okay... I'm going off track!! HAHAHAS!!! Actually i also dunno wad i'm talking about le la!!! I suck in expressing my own tots and feelings la. So, pardon me.
Also dunno why i would tear knowing that things have turned out this way. Kindda felt that it was partly my fault to be blamed. Both of you are the persons whom i love. We were once very close. We shared lots of memories together, had many of those "it's the first time i did this" moments together. And most importantly, both of you are the first ones to teach me how to love and to be loved. Hehes... Might think that i'm talking loads of bullshit uh... But yea. I seriously dun wish to see things end up like this la. You 2 de ego level very high. But can drop that for things which are important to you de. So, for your 5 years of brotherhood, drop your weapons and talk things out can?? Chill down can?? 5 years you've went through thick and thin, rough and smooth, happiness and sadness, successes and disappointments and the list goes on and on and on. Dun wanna be so leychey la. So generally went through many things together okay?? So, think, issit worth it?? 5 years leh... I dun even have a friend who stayed there for me for 5 years except for Quan, Eve and Ivan. But, almost like on off relationship kind of friendship la. You 2 even though 5 years only but seems like have been friends since birth those type.This kind of things confirm can solve together de right?? Well, i know you 2 might not be reading my blog le but well... Hope either one of you actually would get my msg la. Hahas...
Wah... feels like i've written a long essay and cried a bucket already. If i do this for my english essay, Ms Azleen is so gonna kill me, so many singlish and grammar errors. Well... Hope everything would go well for you 2 la. My fave jokers!!!^^ LOVE YOU 2 TTM!!

Found this quote online. Hope it helps... Ignore the hearts.

No motivation at all!!!

It's the last week of the June hols. Lotsa hw to be done, no motivation to even start one... Haix!!! How did I actually survive June hols hw?? Anyone remember?? Can remind me how I did survive?? Cos I forgot how... Somehow I even forgot how to study Liao!! Jialat right... Why must all these happen to me!!!! Not only that. Since that day, the house had been total hell till now! Screams around the house. I guess it had always been like that but I just didn't realize back then(?) So now that I know... I'm fwagging pissed off la... No one remind me to chill, so I screw anyone who pisses me at home. Lika walking machine gun! Piss me and see wad you get. Wait... Is this me?? Why do I sound so stranger to myself?? Urgh!!!!! FTS!! Guess I totally lost myself... 我跑到哪里去了？我是迷路了吗？怎么种觉得自己好像找不到回家的路能？家在哪里？I guess I shouldn't had gotten so deep into that foreign land. I dunno where I'm standing anymore... I'm scared. Yet, all I can do now is act like I'm totally fine and... FML!!!

JKMS~ <3

Haven been a really good or a really bad day. Days as usual, go skool for D&T and stuffs like that lo. So also nothing special to talk about. Except for this guy who texts me every night for no reason. Hahas! First time i heard from someone that K-ing in the rooms is cute. Dunno him la. But i think he's the cute one instead. For the past few days, had been trying to keep myself busy...(i guess).

Monday, woke up like 6AM in the morning to meet one of my cadets at the old BNS and headed down to Bishan. The train in morning was packed like sardines (that when I held onto my phone, it was only less than 10cm away from my face) while the speed of the train was like caterpillar crawling. Wad seems like 30mins from Woodlands to Bishan suddenly seemed to take for ever!! When we reached Bishan, we tailed a RI student to the campus cos we dun really know how to enter the skool. Headed to the campus' canteen to meet up with Miss Azleen and the rest of the unit for the Astar camp. It was the last day of the camp. I brought homework there so i sat beside Miss Azleen and tried to get my physics homework done. Half way through, helped Miss Azleen to think of some ideas for an enrichment session for WGSRCY. We did chocolate making, kite making, dragon boating, hippo tour, balloon sculpting in my five years in skool. So had to think of something new and beneficial. Initially tot of batik since we did it in Batam but it might be dangerous cos we had to burn the wax and the tools and materials have to be bought. Plus, we didn't have someone to teach us how it should be done nicely. So i suggested fabric dyeing. Might require some boiling if we were to extract the dyes from plants but would most prolly not be as dangerous. Anyways, were all First Aid certified RCY cadets. Scald, we know wad to do yeah~ So did all the planning, research and stuffs like that while the cadets and the VIs do their things. After the whole parade and activities end, bused the cadets back to the skool. The boys hor... Haix!!! So inconsiderate la!! They changed out their uniforms on the bus at the back as if it's their house. There are females on the bus la please!!! Had a long 2 hours talk with Miss Azleen with bubble tea in our hands at Vista Point after all the kids went home. It was sure encouraging for a form teacher to be counselling her student like that for 2 hours straight!! It seems like counselling had always been 2 hours or more for me. Problems like a piled up rubbish dump like this. Can't even burn! Headed down to the bank to collect money after parting ways with Miss Azleen. After that, i stood in front of the MRT station for about an hours or more cos i was deciding if i should go to Pasir Ris to celebrate Edwin Lim's birthday. In the end didn't go cos it was too late. So i decided to wait for mummy to come back then go home together with her. I think i stood too long or something. Got some dizzy spells and almost fainted... When i reached home, had a little food for dinn and went to sleep straight afterwards. My sister even had to help me change out cos i can't really move. That night, woke up around 11 plus near 12 and had an ENJOYABLE talk with someone who knows me way too well... Hahahaas!!!

Tuesday, skool as per normal. Went to skool at around 9 plus 10. Nothing much happened that day so yea... It's always at night that phone calls can get interesting lo. Texted this guy all night he's kindda... Dunno wad to say. Random?? Met him for awhile cos of something and came home, sleep. That's all i can say...??

Wednesday which is yesterday like 50mins ago. Morning, the new CD shop's staff called me cos i wanted to get B1A4's Ignition Special Edition album but it cost like $35?! Ex la!!! So i went online and searched for preorders online from Fan sites. They are the best la!! Always offering the lowest prices for K-pop fans. So without considering much, transferred money to order the Album for only $23. The new CD shop is like cheating money okay... $12 diff!!! That's a lot okay... Headed to skool at around 1030. Did quite a lot today. I guess. Then asked Mr Tan for solutions for my problem in the end, my artifact became more complicating. CONGRATULATIONS, YONG SIN YEE!!! YOU DID IT!!! MORE WORK FOR YOU TML!!! Haiz... Like wad the shitt la... So tml gonna head to skool early. And leave early cos after that gonna meet darling and other girlfriends to town for shopping spree~ Rare chance. Hope i dun get too tired tml and faint again uh... Hahahas!! Mummy say she gonna bring me to the doctors during the weekend le. Cos think i've got anemia or something like that... Yea. Hope all's fine.

Well, gonna hit the sack soon. Not early lo~ Just gonna share a song before i end this post.



Was looking up on Parachute Band and randomly clicked this song. The song is really nice though. *thumbs-up*

P.S. ILOVEYOU

我真愚蠢。

Hi! Back! Haix! Dumb dumb me. I'm still the same Sinyee la, Generally. Only lost weight, lost that cheerful soul and lost the courage to trust others. 可是最终, 样子没变。朋友还在。家人没死。我还活。大家都没事。就除了失去心里那一大部分的感情之外，应该都没什么大碍。

这擦不多两个月的时间过得实在是太慢了啦... 总觉得时间太多。希望一天只有12个小时，那么一天就会跟快地过去。

Maybe it's cos I've no motivation to do things anymore ba. Last time study at night after you leave also no problem. Now see books, *snores*. And I realized something else. 因该是我变得越来越像你了吧...

I think I fall asleep faster now. Lie down, 3 mins at most, *sleeps like a baby*. Phone ring also wun wake up... Jialat. 会不会有一天跟你一样，睡得像头死猪... 안돼! 안돼 안돼 말도 안돼! But sound good... But sleeping too much 会肥呃... Oh Bitch! I'm always so indecisive... Argh! Forget it!

Lets see... Lets talk about yst. Supposed to go party at azzura with this guy friend yst night. But I heed his advice and gave it a miss. Spent whole day and night reading fan fictions. Love those stories ttm! It always gets my imagination running wild! How I wish I could just live in one of the stories... Then damsel in distress ,fairy godmothers and happily ever after would exist! Well, it's just too bad that we live in reality. And our only fairy tale time is the time we lack the most; sleep time! Cos of D&T, no rest, no sleep, no time study. Just hope that I would get a reasonable grade for my effort in the end.

To end off this post, wanna share a song. Call me maybe but Carly Rae Jepson. Somehow linked to the first time we met and talk. Wahaha! Think I'm listening to more English songs now. Thanks to the new karaoke app in my phone^^

Yeap. That's all goodnight earthlings!

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没想到就真的发生了...

Haix!  It's only like 4 in the nothing yet I'm up already... Amazing right?? I hate this feeling la please... 原本期待可能可以轻松一点最后，满头的想到他就... *Sigh* I dunno anymore. 这种到底还有什么问题可以解决。

Today , I know that its kinda late but...Your smile had been my drugs. I was thinking of how sweet it was to kiss into it. I remember that time when I cried for MT paper you comforted me for a whole night. This time how will you react leh?? Nothing lo. Hahas! but why do I have that  I wan a hug de feeling. Smiled at myself stupidly after I tot of that time. Happy memories~

Later at night, images of that day flashed through my mine. I remembered how you reacted when I pushed you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even loosen my grasp. Hahas!

Anyways, many things happened today. Feel so sorry for myself... Seriously, am I that easy?? Haix! 反正我已经变成一个很容易底声下气的人了。那就是我生命中的苦吧。要的东西都再也不可能得到，永远都得不到。所以自己想走向前一步时，一定需要让步。人家想要我做什么我就得做什么。 It kinda sounds like I've because easy.

보고싶어요~!

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난 지쳤어

Throwing things aside and continuing with wad i'm supposed to do. I think i throw everything aside liao. Until i dun even study :/ I'm not sure wad this is gonna be but hope nothing bad... I guess I'm just immune to those things already. Hahas... How to throw those things aside making sure that i still study leh... I keep telling myself need to study but in the end... HAIZ!!!

 Recently, felt really down for i also dunno for wad reason!! No one to talk to also... Fucked up life. Feel like telling God that i quit!! Haiyo... Really nvr tot of unhappy stuffs la. Why people keep saying that i am doing things that way leh... Cos of the vids/songs?? If it is... Then it's cos i tot the songs were nice. Used to listen to it a lot then i share de... If it is about the posts, then it's nothing much also. Some i just feel like the quote nice also then post de. Shakespears and all... Not nice meh?? I like leh. Haiz... Anyways, dunno why some people even think that those quotes are even related to you. I mean not all are ya know??

Haiya. Lets just say many many things happen la. Now, i dun even know who to trust. Yea. I dun even think that I wanna trust myself anymore. Cos my heart just kept on being played with. Yes, everyone's doing that. Hey peeps, you know who you are la. Stop it can... Sometimes ah, you keep giving me this... I dunno... hen guai lan de feeling like i owe you de leh. And please... Stop talking to me about those things la can?? Wo hen lei liao la. I dun wanna think about it yet you keep reminding me. Tell you once and for all ah... He is my best friend. You know??? HUH??? YOU KNOW OR NOT?! F.R.I.E.N.D! Friend!!! Hao peng you! Chin han chin gu!!! So you fucking shut your cum guzzler's mouth up!! Dunno how many times i have to tell you leh... You wanna piss me off?? Go ahead. And boy ah... I just dun like you like that. Do you even know me well?? Do you even know him well?? No right?? So dun comment about anything between him and me. I had good times with him, he made me happy for that period of time. At least he can give me that. You, ma boy, just piss me off! So dun you even tell me any of your opinions about my stuff anymore or i stuck your own dick in your mouth! ARGH! I'm so gonna bite!!!

If this had nvr even happened...  Guess I'm still happily playing around la. And, Guess i also wun turn into such a mess. Haiya... Wei shen mo bu yao rang wo kuai dian si diao... Fan zhen now, i shouldn't take life so seriously le. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to feel my desires, stress yi da dui. Anyways, in this life thingy, no one's ever gonna make it out alive. Lord, just take my life. I dun wan it anymore. The script too hard to act out liao... I'm not some kind of actress. I can't continue acting on like this. Je veux que vous savez tout! Mais j'ai peur de ce que tu diras, je suis donc en la poussant à côté pour le moment. Il est difficile de faux sourire à chaque fois que. Je suis fatigué, les gens ont beaucoup de commentaires sur chaque chose que je fais. Comment est-ce? Maintenant, ma vie est pourrie!Je ne veux pas que mes sentiments d'affecter notre amitié. Je veux les choses à l'aimer pour être utilisé. Le temps où je pouvais encore être près de toi malgré un autre partenaire. J'aime bien ça. Nous étions comme des frères et sœurs réels. Parlez tout et n'importe quoi, se plaindre de tant de choses. Je veux que nous soyons heureux avec l'autre. Ne pas essayer d'éviter d'autres ennemis comme chacun. Il suce que nous avons est devenu comme ça et c'est de ma faute pour abriter encore des sentiments pour vous. Je ne vais pas le montrer. Je veux juste que tu sois heureuse. Et je sais que vous n'êtes pas satisfait la plupart du temps en raison de son. Et elle n'est pas heureuse à cause de moi. Si je peux, je veux serait la rencontrer et lui dire combien vous l'aimez et qu'elle peut vous faire confiance sur ce point. Je ne veux pas vous voir à nouveau. Pas plus.

Gosh...

CHEEEEEEBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lost my touchy... :'( *emotional break down* OMG!!!! I'm really sad right now man... I dun mind losing that device but the contents... DIE DIE ALSO CANNOT LOSE!!!! No music nvm, got CD and can download but my pix and vids are all gone!!! Hope some kind soul will find my touchy and return it... *prays* I'm like in desperate need to get my touchy back just because of those things right now la!!! Those pix and vids are my precious!!! Argh!!! I swear I'm gonna thank that person who finds touchy!!! Just get me those pix and vids back and you can have the device. I wan the vids back esp! Those are like the last bits of my happy memories~ T.T

Last night, i had a dream. It was... Hmm... Kindda weird cos it felt real. Yet, i dun think i really would do that for nothing... Not gonna talk about wad dream it was though... Hahahas!! Else i think tonight also will get the same dream le. Had to confess that it felt nice to have that kind of dream. The other side of me... HEHEHEHE!!! Missed it quite a lot...

Today, did nothing much... At home slack one whole day, thinking about the op... Scary... Haiz! Have to face it anyways. It's my own fate. Thanks to me for not taking care of my own body... And mister, get that in your mind, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! But it's really scary how the lack of nutrition can do to your body. Yet, i guess it's better to get it over and done with ASAP else it'll bother me even further in the future. Tot about it all day. Hugged Aydeen around for the whole day. I just love her smell <3 At night, went to Giant. Wore something quite translucent the mei was like "Walao... Can see through one might as well dun wear la!!" But i think it's just fine lehhh... Think she's jealous cos she's my lover. WAHAHA!!! Had dindin at Giant the food there... Aweful -.- Mummy bought hor fun yet the sauce taste like soya sauce. Not nice at all... Spent a total of $331.++ there. Bought many many alcohol and fruits. Daddy bought 4 bottles of red wine, 3 cartons of beer, Longan, apple, orange, avocado and many many other things. When we were about to go pay for our purchases, something caught my eye. NIVEA good-bye cellulite gel-cream. Then i went to mei and told her "I know wad you need." And she just happily follows behind me. Pointed to her the ad board and she was like *squints eyes* *understood* =.= "will work meh... Looks ex leh..." So i just took one which costs $30 for 200ml. Yea. Quite ex. I wonder if it really works uh... Good for everyone.

So, now I'm home. Playing tetris and stuffs like that. And drinking red wine. Just because i finished a whole glass in 3 mins, daddy thinks that i can drink more so he poured a whole cup(beer cup size) and asked me to finish it cos he dun wanna keep the red wine. Honestly, I'm a little giddy already uh... Hahahas!! Haven even finished yet. Shall go finish it now. Bye~

Hospital...

Look wad i've done to myself... Haiz!! I dunno anymore la!! I dun really know exactly how i managed to get myself into so much trouble physically. Good la. Need go hospital liao lo. Hahahas!!!

How i wish i wasn't back. Much to think about at home. Once i step into the house, all the memories of us flashed back in my mind. I started to see you everywhere at home. Hahas! Gosh, i even left a big space beside me when i slept hugging Aydeen. Hahas. Fuck it... You just seem to appear in every corner around me. Hehes. I think I really am crazy like you said.

I'm tired now. Bye world~ <3

Goodness gracious!!!

Weee~ I'm back... With more injuries... Guess you can say i did it on purpose. But I still prefer to call it accidental. Cos well, it just doesn't sound like me to do these things on purpose. Anyways, I'm totally sinful to myself la. Last night, Daddy cooked a table of delicious dishes. Can't help it. Too tempting. Eaten 2 bowls of rice. And in the morning, I had 3 soft boiled eggs, 2 pieces of white bread, 11 mussels and had a bowl of fried beehoon. I can't believe myself too, i was full. CERTAINLY!!! But my stomach remained as flat!!! I know something is terribly wrong with my body alright... I mean. Yea, this is not normal and i haven't been starving myself lately. Have been taking heavy meals. Usual weight would normally be 42.++-43kg. But it's dropped to 40.++ and sometimes even 39kg... Tried my best to gain some weight but, nothing seems to work at all!!! FUCK!! When i wanna slim down, i gain weight. When i wanna get healthier, the numbers on the weighing machine just wun increase!!! Damn irritated now. Mummy says that she'll be bringing me to the doctors soon if this continues on. I hate the doctors -.- Always got tests to do and poking here and there. And too many questions from them!! The last time i went there, it was only for menstrual pains. Yet, stayed in the clinic for somewhat 1hour++. Haix! Though i missed being sick. But being sick now is pointless. Wun gain any attention from you. You wun be there to take care of me like you used to. It kindda reminded me of the time when i had fever. I slept in the room while you read Archie's beside me. Suddenly, I sat up and vomited. You were so surprised back then! So caring and patient with me you even packed porridge for me to eat cos i had no appetite at all. Thinking back, I guess I wasn't a good girlfriend after all. Asked you to come to my house even when you're sick. But I did had fun while taking care of you in my own house. Hehes^^ Slept with you after you took your medication, cooked for you, and it was my turn to read Archie's while you sleep that's when you had fever cos the towel on your forehead had to be cooled. I MISSED THOSE TIMES!!! Even though i can't get back those time with you anymore, i sure hope that you would remember those times we had together :))) Those are the memories which are worth to keep cos they are happy memories!!! Hmm... Seems like you really wan her as your wife liao uh... HAHAHAS!!! Okay... I'm sad. But there's nothing that i can do. We are already drifting apart. How i wish it didn't happen but it did. Yet, there's no point crying over spilt milo.(I dun like milk) It's great to know that you're happy. I know, by the time i realize this, I should decide that i should move on. But, I guess I'm just too stubborn. Lalalalala~~~ I guess I'm still gonna hang on even though the journey for me would be tough. I have to cos I have to fight for wad i wan. Nvr in my life have i ever fought so hard for someone that i love. Yea, not even my parents. Fight WITH them then have but nvr FOR them. So, this is something new to me. Hopefully, i succeed!^^ YONG SIN YEE, HWAITING~!

Sharing a boat with him...

Skool went quite well today. Ming bridges came but I wasn't there la.  Cleaned table top and stuffs like that la. Celebrated birthday for March to May babies. Had chocolate cakes (my favorite), prize presentation for to students and got back our report books. That uncle Lim... He got top for c.science, c.humanities and English and apparently came out as top in class. Good brains... I was the one in-charge of the photo taking. Got 4 photos of Edwin on my touchy la. Gonna upload the pix tml. Yea. Sang happy birthday to the birthday babies and had chocolate cakes. The cakes are so addictive la!! Ate one piece but had many left overs so we asked for second piece. Got Miss Azleen's permission and had a second piece of cake. Shared the cake with Rifqi. Miss Azleen made jellies too!! I like the fruits in the jelly. Got back our report books and my results... CMI... Cui ttm!! Today uh... Dunno why. I keep shitting. Now my Asshole burning sia. Ate to much chocolates I think. My waste are so chocolaty color. And for some stupid shit, my weight keeps going down even when I am eating so much these days... Kinda worried that I've shrunk or my boobs turned smaller... Oh no!! So now, I'm on mission gain weight. To get back my boobies fats. No flat chest for me!! After skool, went home. Bored. So watched coyote ugly. I liked the show so cool lo ~ talked to Boxin and we texted about our love. 我们两个的爱情故事还差不多。所以现在我们两同病相怜咯。 Talked about our him or she. Then 互相安慰。 Hahas! Both of us are the pathetic ones hoping for the impossible. Daddy mummy today quarrel cos of that stupid girl. Haix! Let's not talk about it ba. 讨厌!! Anyways, today Mei returned home late. I tot I hearts the door and went out to check. It was dark and I stare around. Suddenly, I tot I saw something and got really scared I dashed into the room and phoned you straight!! Told you wad I saw. You said that my brain's playing tricks on me. Later, jiayee came into the room and I was like. Oh!q you're back... And she was like you dunno meh... And she told me wad she saw. She said that when she came home, I came out. I stared at her for a very long time. And your I saw her. And all of a sudden, I freaked out and ran to the room and slammed the for behind me. SO she was the thing that I saw. Stupid her la! Nvr talk! Scared the hell outta me la!! Shitty mama... After that we compared our results and then I called you to tell you good night and now I'm hiring the sack lo~ good night people. And to you, goodnight, take care, sweet dreams, sleep tight, Iloveyou, imissyou and that's all^^

Determination leads to success!

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Getting me prepared for the worst??

Today, was a day that I think I get injured the most (physically and mentally). First up, I was cutting the acrylic using the bench saw and my finger accidentally bua until the blade. Cut wasn't too deep, so seems like the blade wasn't as sharp afterall. Second time, I was using the small file to file the acrylic. While filing, the sharp tip did a bloody drawing on my palm, creating a beautiful red line across the upper part of my palm, near the index finger. First thing I did, see how deep it was. Heng it wasn't deep much. Around 2-3mm deep and I went on exploring the cut by splitting it. WAHAHAHA!! You must be thinking that I'm crazy but well, I'm just being plain curious... Surprisingly, it didn't even hurt abit. The third injury, now, is the medium sized file. Was filing while I held onto the acrylic so the file slipped and I filed my thumb. It skinned my thumb for a little. Now, it's swollen... Dunno wad's wrong with me la. I know very well that what I did was dangerous but nvr did I wanna take any safety precautions. Except for the protection for my eyes, goggles. Also dunno if I tried to injure myself on purpose or wad... Too many injuries. Call them accidental?? But they occur way too many times in a day. After DnT, went to RCY. Boxin and Jiashin came back cos they just finished their exams. Good for them la... Come back and see us suffer only. Boxin is still as short and nice to bully!! ;DDD RCY today playing captain's ball. Boxin and I were bored, so we took the netball which is used for the ball games and played volley. Fuck pain la!!! First undersurf was nothing much. As we got into the game, the ball hit our arms and I was like "FUCK!!! This is far worse than fucking!!!" (just exaggerating). Felt sharp pains and arms got Kindda sore. But we continued to play. Until I screamed "哇！不可以了！Damn 痛啊!" then we both looked at our arms. Wowweeee~~~ one whole patch red like just BBQ before. Then I realized that I got some red dots underneath my skin. Didn't know wad it was. Went to check it on the Internet. Was quite surprised when they said that I was due to some broken blood vessels. Must have been playing too roughly. Now, some light bruises can be seen on my arms. And the broken blood vessels still remains. Somehow looks Kindda disgusting leh... Like kena some kind of disease like that. So that was the fourth injury of the day. Reached home. Yea, as usual, checked all the social network sites including yours. I see that you changed your DP. The pix... Very sweet hor... Ha ha ha... *suddenly hears something shatter* OMTian...!!! I broke something!!! It's my heart... *heartbroken* But yet I'm still Kindda proud of myself. Cos I think our pix (many of them) look nicer than that!!! Xp
Oopsies~! Am I being too straight forward?? XDDD Not gonna deny it cos imma LEO!!! it's how I am!!! You also know that I'm like this de la. Then suddenly, I find myself staring at you and smile instead. Wahaha!!! You look so cute!!! >.< As I'm composing this entry, I'm texting you. Hehes^^ I told you I'll text you at night de Liao... Dun 小看你这个小妹妹哦！Even though my memory's not that good but I'll nvr ever forget to contact you de. :)))

I'm gonna be a little selfish~!

Skool today as per normal. Did D&T all the way yea. I've managed to finish 10pages today but was all half bucket work so teacher complained. No tablet for us today so can imagine how bored we were. We practically took that as our own room. I got tired so just laid there and slept for quite sometime. Surprisingly, Mr Oh tot that the room was empty. Hahahas!!! Thank goodness!!! Else he'll catch me sleeping so comfortably in that room. Cos i practically took the bench as my bed, used a jacket as my blanket and my bag as a pillow.Yes, I'm that tired... And not to mention, BORED TO SLEEP!!!! I was being kindda selfish cos i refused to do the work while i keep asking for people to help me. Sorry uh... I needa rest so, I'm gonna be a little selfish~ Had a late night yst cos i couldn't sleep until i took the oral therapy. Slept like a baby for the whole night. Shiok ah~ Until i was almost late for skool but it was raining, who cares~ Recently, I had really be a little selfish yea. In many ways la. Most of the time when i did things, I only tot about myself. Yea, it's all bout me, moi, i and myself!! But, HA, who cares~ Just gonna enjoy life like how I am la. No one's gonna ever care bout wad i do now anyways. Yea, I've changed. You changed, so why can't I?? I just wanna be that selfish person who only thinks bout me, cares bout you less and do wad I wanna do bout my own body. It's no use~ It's no use~ Those memories just dun change at all or do they...?? Ain't gonna think bout it aye. Peishan and I treated the enthography room like a k suite. Karaoke in the room with our phones. We just find our own entertainment when teacher just dun give it to us. Sing sang sung many many songs~ Now my throat erherm!!! *pain* Haiz... Same phrase, who cares~ I'm just gonna think bout myself, not even my body can control la. Think I'm gonna do many many things from now on. You moved on so easily(easier than me). I guess only by making myself realize how much I hurt myself trying to move on with things can really help me move on yea?? Tryin stupid things, acting stupid and even making myself feel stupid. Think I'm in such a pity plight?? Yea. I think so too... But, who cares~ No one!! So, let's just let it be... Cos I'm just gonna be...

New found(?) interests~

 I've decided to follow my dreams and get the job that i so wanna get into. HEHES!!!! Working on air!!! So excited la please~~ Although i still got like 3-4 years before i can even apply for the job (after diploma). Somehow, i think i'm confident that i can get the job. Will I??? Hmm... Mind that. Today came home straight after skool as usual... Cooked lunch and locked myself in the room for the whole afternoon surfing the net about clothes, flight attendant, model, and other things that girls would surf the net for. Not forgetting FB of cos. As i tot of my own future career and stuffs, grew more and more excited and eventually, i managed to keep him outta my mind for quite sometime. Not bad~~~~ Great achievement!!! *applaud* Also dunno if he will ever think of me la like puhlease~~~ I'm... You know... The only one who's trying to be so stubborn lo. HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm a FOOL~~~ But somehow i just like it this way. OOPS~! ^~^ But now have to be good girl with big dreams. Practically dreaming and wishing for the impossible to happen but wad can i do?? IMMA LEO FEMALE~ ROARRRRRR!!!! I like challenges. So, this time, I'm gonna challenge myself to a long term(?) challenge!!! YEAH!!! Hopefully i can pass this challenge la. Dun even know how then can say that i completed the challenge le leh... Questions i give myself. Yea, i think a lot. In fact, i always think too much de lo. But it does mean that my brain's good right?? *grins* Tml D&T intensive again... Sian uh... Tml cannot use workshop some more so hate to stare at tablet for 8-9 hours~~~ Later my eyes go @.@ Wahahaha!!! So cute!!

My own little prayer ~

Dear God,

  I pray that you'd be kind enough to get rid of all the bitches in my life and bring me my prince. The one who'd share all that he is with me and be able to conquer all problems in our lives together. Will there every be a guy like that?? I know you've already planned my life ahead for me although i dunno if it's the same plan i had in mind for myself. I just pray that you would show me what I should do now and also wad's not worth to do cos I feel like I may not be able to finish this movie that you've scripted out anymore. My life's crushed by this one failure. I tried regaining myself again but it's not helping me in neither ways. And God, why do you have to make me go through all these at one go?? I really think that I'm losing myself soon. Yes, I may act like I dun care and like it doesn't bother me at all. But God, you know me the best. How can I not care?? Maybe yes, by looking at them now I am okay but why do I always have that "that should be me" feeling?! I am slowly trying to let go. But each time I try doing so, I end up clinging onto him even tighter. I dun care how even if you were to make me into a heartless slut, please make me immune to all that's going on in my life. It's suffocating me. All the sleepless nights, all the feelings which made me scared, all the hurtings i've brought to myself. Not forgetting the people i've hurt during this period of time. Teachers see me, dunno wad to do. Counselor see me, dunno how to talk me out. Parents see me, heartbroken. Friends see me: She's such a broken down piece of shit! Hamster see me dun, wanna play with me. Strangers see me like I'm some kind of lost soul that they pity. So God, WAD DO I DO?? Or rather, WAD DID I DO?? All i think i did was to love a guy the way i think would show him the way i am thinking that he would accept me as i am. Now, God, tell me, IS THAT SOOOOOO WRONG??? ARGH!!!! I've shown him all of me that he can just read me like a storybook and just when i had already a firm answer to the same question that people always ask me, he steadily sentenced me to the 18th level of the hell gates. Maybe God, you may think that I'm over reacting but am i?? Is this wad teenagers would always go through?? I'm not sure but i think He is my first love and maybe the last. Will I every be able to get up onto my feet again and rely on another guy?? Or will i just rely on another girl?? (Gross~ Yet i dun think i mind) Well, at least girls would stay faithful to their partners. No?? Hmm... God, i have another question. Why do you create men and women differently?? Why is there lust, betrayal, loyalty, faithfulness, trust, honesty, or even, WHY IS THERE LOVE?? And why does this love thingy make humans have this mixed feelings of happiness, comfort, trust, secure, and at the same time, fear, jealousy, distrust and sadness?? I have so many questions on my head. So God, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! I pray that you'll answer my prayers as long as the questions i have. And hopefully the things that i want, you give to me as i sow my seeds to the harvest that i expect.



-The cries of a broken child-

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Even though it's different now, you're still here somehow~

Yeap! Things are different now. Gotta accept reality as it is. It's cruel, everyone know it yet life still goes on... It took me quite some short time. I guess all I can do now is to use my imagination dat's all. Went for counseling today. And yea... Still, took 2 hours in there again. Talked a lot. Yup, I'm not ready to forget I'm not ready to give up. But I still have plans for myself. So I'm just gonna put our things aside first. Have to also take into consideration my dear's feelings la. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. Someone once told me that love is selfish. I loved him way too much I can't lose him totally. Haven been able to focus on my studies much so Mrs Stella Goh tot me a method I can help myself and motivate myself to study. I really loved the idea. Let's just hope that it works for me^^ *fingers crossed* These days, I haven't been me. I missed the old me who would be so childish towards this one person just so that I can see him return an aegyo back. Missed those times. Hahas!! Had a really good talk with Mrs Goh and she tot me many things and told me things that I have to know. Although those things that she said did hurt me a lot but yea. I guess it's true. I have to be prepared I still have my own future whether or not he's gonna be in it. Yea, Mrs Goh did tell me that I'm intelligent. I know what I should do yet my heart just tells me otherwise. Hahas! But that's me. Silly and stubborn. I hurt myself yet I didn't mind at all. Dug a really deep hole for myself to be burried in yet I'm not doing anything to make the hole shallow again. One day, I'm just gonna jump into that hole and be gone forever. Had always tot that it would be the best solution of all yet, I am having doubts about it. How about my dreams?? I had set myself to be successful. Am I just gonna die without having to feel the success in my life?? So I've decided that yes, I may still be harbouring some feelings for you but I'm not gonna let it show or let it affect my studies or my life. May I wish myself luck cos I know it's nvr gonna be easy. One day, I'll make Miley cyrus' I miss you depict the situation I'm in.

I will love you with all my heart.

Dear You,

You had always been there for me. Phone you and you'll pick up, always. Although you always make my life journey go up and down, and up and down. But i know that it was all for my own good. You wanted to mold me into a better person. I've went through many trails and tribulations yet you were always there for me. Even though you would always beat around the bush and want me to find the answers to my questions myself, but in the end, you (Jehovah-rohi) would always help me pull through. You placed many people in my life to teach me the things that i dun understand. You make yearn for you 24/7 cos of the safe and security you give to me when i'm with you. With you, I know i'll be happy cos you are my Jehovah Jireh. You make me believe that i can have all the things i want. You also make me understand that i can't always get everything that i want. You make me go through pain and suffering so that can learn from my mistakes. You are El Roi who sees a wretch like me as a person you would very much adore. You are my Jehovah-Shalom who would bring peace to me whenever i felt extremely paranoid. I really treasure the time that we had and had spent together. As my Jehovah-Rapha, you healed my broken heart and stuck back the pieces to where it should have been. No one could have done a better job than you in piecing back the puzzle of my heart. I know you see the scars that still remains which made it look ugly but you accepted me as it is. Despite the many difficulties, we managed to pull through as one. I took advantage of you and would only look for you in times of need but nvr once did you reject my requests. I AM certain that i would love you always. I may be a pauper hiding in the city of lost souls, yet you rescued me from danger and brought me back to safety. I will give my whole heart to you cos i know you will nvr break it. Even if you do, i know that you would piece each and every bit of my heart back again. I will love you with all my life, knowing that you would do the same too.

Emptiness...

I woke up crying, feeling all empty inside me. I was so scared. I tried calling you though knowing that you'd nvr pick up. It really was terrifying. I needed someone to talk to me. Soon enough, I felt my face heat up and without me noticing, a drop of tear rolled down my cheek. Do I really wanna do this?? It's really hard! It's not the first time It had happened. It always does. And it hurts. I hate the feeling of being alone. It scares me. Yes, I'm crazy. I think about you still over and over. There were many what if-s questions on my mind. And now I know, you'll no longer help me answer them ever again. So from whom shallth I seek all these answers from?? I need them answered. I need my comfort. I missed your hugs. I feel so lost. I missed the way you always helped me through. I think I'm going crazy. I missed the way you whisper into my ears telling me that everything would be fine. I feel like dying. That's the feeling Have nvr gotten before when you're with me. It is also the feeling which felt strongest each time I thought of you. I can't seem to get you outta mind! I read fiction stories hoping that we are just like the main leads. Nvr tot that one day you would totally ignore me. Will I be really alright without your presence anymore?? I want you to tell me the feelings you have inside. Maybe I would make myself die for one last time cos I'd rather commit suicide(die fast) than live with an illness which kills me more each and everyday(slow death).

Good night, take care, sweet dreams, iloveyou...

It hurts... </3

Weeeee~ I'm posting again!! It's only like 3 in the morning and I'm up. Head spinning, heart racing due to alcohol. Yea. Got myself drunk. Normally drink Bacardi with only 4.8% de me today doubled my alcohol intake. Tried a new brand which has a concentration of 8%/vol. So it's equivalent to consuming 3-4 times my normal alcohol intake cos I drank 2 bottles (with left over). The feeling when the effect comes in, nice until you think that you wanna vomit. Lay down on the bed for awhile then felt like something is gushing out of my mouth. Chiong ah~! Like pathetic only, sit beside toilet bowl until something comes out.

I msg you by accident was supposed to send that text to jingxiang. When I saw your reply was like why you msg me?? How you know I drinking leh?? Then I realized I msg wrong person... Haiz! I'm sorry.

After drinking, I made a decision. It wasn't an easy decision but I guess that's the only way left. Hope it works.

你又老一岁咯~!

Happy 19th birthday, Liow xin quan!!!! It's your 19th birthday today! All I can do for you is to celebrate an advanced birthday for you, get you a present and make you a birthday card la... You accepted everything that I did and gave you *happy2*. Though this year can't celebrate with you how we did last year, but still hope you really were happy with that mini celebration la.

Birthday msg:
Thank you so much for having been by my side for the past 2 years! Had many many many many many many many many many many many many memories with you! I thank God that he had placed you in my life. You taught me many things from how to be a good girlfriend to how to be a good person. For the past 1year 6months and 9days that we were together, we went through hard times together and did almost everything together!!! *spazz about past*. You were also there for me even when we broke up. Hehes^^ Might sound ridiculous, but well, I could have died if it wasn't for you. You know all of my darkest secrets and habits. You are one of the rarest person I'm gonna find in life, Someone who knows me better than I do! I had promised you many things and now, I'm gonna slowly fulfill all of it. By having the mini celebration and your birthday present, I had already fulfilled 2 out of the many!! Yayyyyy!!!! Still got many many more to go though. Those promises may not apply to you already, but it sure still applies to me :))) Hehes^^ Although some promises are like life time commitments, but I'll try my very best to fulfill it even if you think it's unnecessary. 那些都是我对你订下的陈诺，就算是得用一辈子的时间来实现，我还是会经我所能去搬到的!! So, yea. Once again, happy birthday, 생일축하합니다, joyeux anniversaire, お誕生日おめでとうございます，生日快乐, selamat ulang tahun,Chúc mừng sinh nhật, สุขสันต์วันเกิด!!! 

P.s. 영원히 사랑해~! <3

Love,
Sinyee
(170512)

Ruining things...

Didn't start my day quite well today. Start of skool, was talking to you. Dunno why all if a sudden we talked about quarreling. Then, suddenly I told you that I'm still staying penguin. Yea. That fucking changed the attitude of you towards me. Ruined my own day. Fuck!!! For the rest of the day, I really dunno wad to do. You'll be with her for the rest of the day. So we can't text cos she really dun like. Dun see you doing that when we were together. Ask you dun contact her yet you still texted her when you're with me. In know you say Is different case ma. But I dun see the difference. The only difference I see is how you treat us and her differently lo. Yea. You created twitter cos of her, you go find her when you told me that you were with your guy friends and I even suspected that you left me cos of her too!*smirk* Dunno wad to say la. But yea, you became the person you once said that you wouldn't.

D&T today as usual. First hour of D&T intensive, slack cos teacher wasn't there when we needed them. Did some modeling and testing. And dizzy for whole day even with no optical illusions staring today. I'm angry at myself la!!! Why am I falling sick now lo... Haiz! Gonna go for counseling again soon cos Ms Stella goh wanna talk to me. Think I really needa talk to her also. Gonna have a good round of crying session with her again. I really needa cry man... I had been really down recently but nothing seems to be coming out! Pathetic me... Cannot cry Also needa go counseling, I'm sick!!

Teacher de expectations on peishan and I really very high. They wan us to finish everything by next week?! Oh bitch please, we're not robots. I'm already stressed enough that white hair is growing in my scalp! My flower only need to do 6-7 pages of DD?? Crazy man~ physics teacher and English teacher also got give homework when we also having our own intensive. I'm dying le lo... Everybody seems to be wanting me to do more. One day, I'm just gonna collapse under the stress.

Came home at 430 and now, I think I'm gonna go sleep le. Good night, take care and sweet dreams!

P.s. 난 니가 보고싶어서.

You spin my head right round, right round~

Weeee~ Had been having very very dizzy days for the past 2 Days. Staring at optical illusion stuffs for hours and hours just to get one nice nice de illusion for my product to fulfill that amusement part. Finally had the pictures printed out. And the illusions still appears, cool~~~ For the past 2 days it's been only PeiShan and I in the workshop. Erilyn, Vernice and Karyee would come and visit us once in awhile to jealous. Hahas! Yeap, they are jealous alright. Cos we get to use our phones as and when we want to and do whatever we want to cos we've got no teacher supervising us.

Left skool earlier today cos I had to visit the bank to collect some money for Daddy. The first time I go to the bank with a cheque like this. Got the money and Daddy asked me to keep part of the money. So good la!! Got extra allowance. It came just at the right time lo, I'm bankrupt!!

Mummy sent me a msg today to thank me for the mother's day cake and flower that I've got her. She said that she was touched. (awwwww~) and she asked me to stay strong too. I know wad she meant but I just reply her "I very weak meh??" Hahas! Not funny, I know. But why does she have to remind me about that man... Haix!! I fucking cried half way through lunch. Think I still get all emotional when it comes to you...

Came back from bank and when I reach home, Dylan was crying cos Jinyee didn't want to play badminton with him. Fucking irritating man... Time to grow up, you're crying over such a small matter?? Wait till you experience what I went through. And your croc tears are no use anymore lo. Dun think people will pity/symphatise you when you cry. It only gets me all irritated and I felt like screaming at you to shut the Fuck up!! Seriously, wad's with kids these days...

Elik then dragged Dylan down and finally, some peace. Went to sleep at 5++ and just woke up at 12++. Guess all those optic illusion things seriously made my eyes feel like popping out lo... Went to check on the hamsters just now. I wonder why hamsters sleep with like only half of their eyes shut. Can sleep meh?? So bright lo...

Talked to you after your date with her... Sometimes, I really wonder... 정확히 내가 누구라고 생각해?? Do you still have the slightest feeling for me still?? Hahas! I guess not ba... Nonetheless, I'll just stay by your side no matter wad :))) 사랑해~ <3

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Lalalalalala~ Sing a happy song~!

As requested by you, this post will be a long long one! So here it goes...

So let's see... It's been 3 days that I haven't been updating this blog. These 3 days can consider to be happy ba. Since the last post, many things had happened. Some have to be kept secret, some I would so love to share!!!

So, on Sunday stayed at home the whole day. Even though quite sian but still fun. Had a really good sleep the night before^^ unfortunately, was woken up by daddy to do hamster de stuffs. So I dragged myself off the bed at around 10+ in the morning. At that time when I woke up, daddy mummy was already half way through the cleaning of the cages. So I just did the rest with daddy like cleaned mi's cage and showered hei. Hei's fur looked very unhealthy so decided to let him shower with water rather than sand. I made the water and daddy showered him. He so guai lo! He didn't bite at all!! After he showered, left him in the container with a towel wraped around him cos he seems to look kinda cold. After his fur was dry, it was time to put him back to cleaned home. He was happy with his cage alright. Then after that, cleaned mi's cage. Had a lot of cleaning to do cos her cage got many small parts. When finally it was time to assemble the cage back again, daddy put Jolie out to play. She kept climbing into mi's cage while I was assembling them. And she poo poo inside!!! >:( afterwards settled everything and everyone was happy with their clean cages. And the 3 hamsters slept throughout the day so no playing with them.

In the afternoon, daddy cooked frog+scallop porridge. It was delicious!! But in my bowl of porridge, like 30% Are the bones lo... It still tasted nice tho. Had a very satisfactory lunch. After lunch, daddy mummy went to sleep so I also slack lo. Managed to chat with you for almost a whole afternoon. And finally, it was dinner!!!! Yay!!! The highlight of the meal, grilled salmon!!! My fave!!! But daddy didn't made much so all of us only had a little each. And after dinner, drank 2 bottles of bacardi. The peach one i dun like!! I'd rather drink the raspberry one which tastes like cough med. I think I drank too fast?? Got dizzy spells so went back to the room while the rest of the family was watching "you're the apple of my eye". You went out with your parents drinking yst. You drank 2 bottles too but it's beer and I think the amount also more than mine. You're just better in drinking okay ;ppp

When I was in the room, images of the morning kept flashing through my mind lo. I was like omg!!! Now I know how you felt man... So nice yet weird... Heng I was alone in the room lo. Else my sister will be shocked to see my facial expression... Had a short chat with you afterward and went to sleep.

Today was fine. Normal skool day, first 2 periods was used to check our mark sheet for SA1. jialat ah... Everything just pass only. Have to buck up lo~~~ The rest of the day in skool, had D&T intensive while the whole of the cohort which is taking o level Chinese this year had their MT intensive. And for D&T intensive, it's only PeiShan and I. Both of us like emo only. In the workshop so ulu... Only 2 of us so we talked to the teachers a little and started our work. Since it was only the 2 of us, had some girls talk. Talked about you a little and told her some facts on guys these and that and that was how we survived till 2++pm. Then teacher came in to check on our progress and Mr Tan asked me to add in some optical illusion stuffs into my product to make it seem more amusing. So for the next 1-2 hours or so, i kept staring into my phone like gong and tried to look for some optical illusion stuffs to fit my artifact. Those optical illusions stuffs almost made me faint lo... Keep playing with my eyes and my brains. All these that im doin better pay off or else i would really need go to the hospital and get IV Drips lo like how china students who are preparing for collage exams are doing. Today Mr Oh had to leave skool early cos he had to got CIP with his class thank CIP man!! So came home did foam mask which did a thorough cleaning on my face. My pimples are almost gone. That product really work miracles. After I was done with the mask, had a nap till around 6.

Texted you and stuffs like that till you had to attend a meeting. Your meeting ended very early uh... And i asked you if you will be free tml or not wah. You very busy lo. Tml night you'll be going to find her till midnight. Wed shell be going to your house overnight. Thursday, everybody will be going to your house celebrate your birthday which I better not be present at. So, asked you if you would be free at night today. And you said yes (yayyyyy!!!!!!) so I faster did up your birthday card in a rush while you had your shower and I rushed out of the house almost immediately. Waited for the bus for 15-20mins. Non peak hours uh... Rushed to get cakes for your mini birthday celebration and mummy for mothers day. And rushed to your house under the block. Actually wanted to just sing song there, pass you the card and leave but then your parents asked me to go upstairs instead so had a mini celebration in the kitchen. Sang you birthday song in 3 languages. You made your wish and blew off the candle. I wonder wad you wished for... Hmm... After that, you sent me downstairs and gave me some Ideas for the optical illusions thing. Your ideas are really creative la!!

It was a happy day for me. Got to see your family again. Was Kindda happy but sad at the same time la. Hahas!!! Abigail was like "eh~! Sinyee jiejie came!". Was happy that you liked the mini celebration although it was Kindda too early and not well planned. This is one of the promises I made to you and I will fulfill and it's also something small which I can do for your birthday. Thanks so much for having been there for me for the past 2 years ++. Happy nineteen birthday(advanced). Wish you happy always! Iloveyou!!!

LOLLLLs you corrected my mistake... Cool~~~ I was delicious. Wahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Hair cut! *snip snip snip*

Had my hair done today. It cost 200+ bucks lo... And it's like... Omg!! When I told mummy I wanna snip off my fringe, she objected but in the end she says that I look cute in bangs. Now both of us have the same hairstyle. And the picture! I promised to upload and you must too!

Today went to Malaysia. Mummy took a new route and as usual, got lost. Kept basking and asking for help to reach the destination. Had our hair done and went shopping at city square.

Spent lots of money there. (of cos. Not my money) bought clothes and shoes, ate a lot too! Spent over a thousand bucks in Malaysia today. Then mummy was saying "dunno is mothers'day or youth day, why am I spending so much on you uh??" I only giggled to myself.

After we reached home Daddy asked me how much money mummy spent on me. Then I asked him why he asked. He said that mummy asked him to give her 500 bucks cos she knew that I would be asking her to buy me stuffs. My mummy very smart uh...

Went to giant at night after we came back from Malaysia. Spent 200+ bucks. Bought salmon, frog, alcohol, birds' nest, fruit juice and etc. so had a lot to carry just now.

I just realized. You still visit this blog?? Omg!! *embarrassed* I dunno eh!! But anyways, yea. I'll just treat it as no one visits here and continue posting whatever my heart feels like pouring out. Hahas!

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After exams!

Wooo~ Exams ended lo... Got back all my papers lo! Gotta say that there was a drastic plunge in my grades. These 5 papers which I used to ace, now all C only. English: 59 humanities: 59 D&T: 54 math: 59 science: 52
Drop very badly yet already expected. Nvr study no mood study so didn't study lo. Can say I think very good le la. But wad the hell... L1R4 get 23?! No way!!! Where do i go scoring like this?! Was really upset la...

Wednesday was marking day. Went to orchard to walk alone *forever alone* everyone's busy with their own stuffs. Went to A&F and got your present. So long since I went there lo. The last time I went there was with you. And we spent hours walking around... Memories~~

Yesterday we talked on the phone. I was happy cos you were the one who phoned me. You told me that you would call back and you did!!! I was surprised. In my phonebook, there's nvr once that I would see green arrow calls from you continuously for more than 5 times. It's always red arrows more than 10 times continuously. So I was happy that I even crossed your mind for even one second.

Think I've been really paranoid these days. See you upset I also feel very miserable ah... Dunno wad's wrong with me la. Thinking about things like if I had endured your ignorance towards me, we would have just broken up. But for some reasons I still think that it was her fault. Or was it mine?? But I've finally come to realize that I really love you even till now. I didn't thought I would lose you one day that's why I didn't take much actions as to wad you told me. Cos everytime we quarrel, it wouldn't last longer than a day. When I realize that you're starting to let go, I was desperate. I didn't know wad to do. The way you talk to me changed. Anyways, you know?? Girls can do better research than a FBI when they are jealous or upset about their boyfriends. I did my research on you. Found out things that I Kindda expected but wished wasn't true. But it's all obvious. Yet still, I can't bring myself to hate you. Now, all I can do is to 做你的小妹妹 and be there for you when you need me ba. I'm 24/7 in service for you. Call me anytime you feel like talking to someone. I'll always be there for you, never will I leave you as a total stranger again. Iloveyou... I'm sorry I couldn't let you go.

Beak!!!

Wahahaha!!! Almost one week nvr post lo... Within 1 week got drunk 2 times le. Yeap. I dunno wad I can say anymore le I guess... Can see that you really love her uh. Then wad do I do?? Lanlan lo... But I guess I'm just happy to see you happy also. But will still get heartbroken once in awhile, I guess that's when alcohol comes in handy. Yes, got drunk again. Like the feeling uh!! especially the aftereffects of being drunk.

Went to Malaysia on Friday and just got back yesterday. The trip was... Uh... Fun?? Bought 2 cakes to celebrate mothers' and fathers' day cake. That day really ate too much le... Morning woke up at 9+ had soya bean milk and you tiao. At 12, lunch. 3 second round of lunch had salmon and mussels. Best!! Very long time since I ate mussels. Still tastes the same^^ that restaurant very generous. Ordered a whole jug of ice lemon tea. That whole jug, dunno can contain how many glasses. I drank almost half of that whole jug!!! That thing is so sweet la!!! Buay tahan ah!! They should have added more lemons in it! That night, other cousins came. Went to k after eating. Drank beer and red wine, sang songs my whole family was partying but I've no mood for that la. Hahas! Went back home after the whole 3 hours of k session ends. Went home, got KFC for supper play PS2 then went to sleep.

Next morning, whole family wad talking about us. About why we broke up and stuffs. Hehes^^ almost teared but had to hold it in. Really missed you while I was there. Like always. Came back to Malaysia and checked my phone. Sent you a msg before I left for Malaysia. Even though it's only a good night text, I was hoping for a reply. Sadly, there wasn't any so... Yea. I dunno!!

Texted you yesterday for almost a whole day after I came back. Asked you many questions. Thanks so much for answering those questions. You went drinking yesterday with Mr J family and zhiwen. Good that you didn't got drunk but I know that you're a little tipsy. Talked to you on the phone. You called me^^ (yayyyyy!!!!) you know why I say that you were tipsy?? Cos you accidentally called me wad you used to and, You know why... Wahahaha!!! You win le lo... You really made me happy in you know wad sense. Had a good night sleep after that. Thank you uh!!!

失去的那一条鱼对我来说真的太珍贵了。他是永远都不能被代替的。希望你能明白。很多次，我尝试过，想把你忘掉甚至想要恨你。可是就是做不到。对不起，一切都是我的错。

Just drink~~~

Last night had a blast man! I asked daddy to get Bacardi back home cos I wasn't feeling mentally well. He bought 4 bottles for me^^ after dinner, down 1 within 5 minutes. Was sitting on the sofa and my head started to spin already. Stopped for awhile and wait for the spins to get better. After that, drank red wine. Felt curious and started to take another bottle of Bacardi out to mix with the wine. It tasted not bad so I ended up gulping down 2 glasses. Next, vodka. 1:2 pax vodka tonic. Hard to swallow but eventually drank to the last drop. Tummy felt uncomfortable and tot I was gonna puke already but in the end, only gas came out. Guess I was still walking straight and looking fine. Daddy mummy didn't suspect at all that I was drunk :)))

After that took a shower, called you to chat and went to bed. Had a good sleep, nice dream and cried a bit. I like being drunk. I guess that will be the only time I can sleep in peace and fall in love with you in my dreams without anybody ever caring so much or you resisting.

However, wake up in the morning and my head hurts. Got used to it anyways. For the past 1-2 weeks same thing everyday. Headache, here ache, there pain. Now I think I'm really such a mess!!! Where is dat xiaomeimei who used to conquered these pains in the past?? Well, I think I still have the lover missing... Wonder how it would feel like to be drunk outdoors. Will I do silly things?? Shall try soon...

Anyways, good morning peeps!
Lucky I've no paper today^^

That's how stranger I felt.

Yea. Now only like 5:53AM but I am already up cos I tot of you... it really isn't that east for me to forget you. How you sleep, how you smile, how you always give people that "you win Liao lo" face. Find it most adorable when you smile :DDD

So you went drinking yesterday. So did Jasper too!!! But you two were drinking with two different groups of people. Msg you also nvr reply. So I also dun bother to even call Liao la. Cos dun need to say, you confirm wun pick up de!!! Cos she's around ma... I wonder if you ever did that to other girls when you're with me too... I guess NOT!! it's only when you doing NPCC things you'll do that lo...

Saw that photo. Was like "wow~~~ okay..." I wonder if your parents even know about your current night life... Sometimes I really wished that I was born earlier... Then there'll be a lot of things that I can do right now. Cos in Singapore, once you're 18, you can drink, get married, you can drive, get a life, no restrictions, have freedom! It's hard to resist the temptations of being 18. However, also comes with responsibilities. Who would wanna get married at 18?? Wanna drink, drive and die?? No??

It really was hard to resist the temptations to send you a text msg just because I've always been doing that. Hard to break the habit chain cycle. That is how you've already became a part of my lifestyle. Without any replies from you, I tot of the things that you would do and might be doing maybe when you're drunk(?)

With her around now, I'm just a nothing just like how you used a cloth to polish your boots till that cloth is totally stained with black spots and you just flung it aside and get a new one. Can't even msg you, call you or contact you when she's around. Wad am I?? Who do you treat me as?? Do you know how i treat you?? Questions kept flowing through my mind. Yet, I dun get any answers even if I asked you.

Talked to Gerald for the whole night. Shared some gossips too. Hahas!!! Really thankful to him. If not for him, I guess I'll be terrorizing your text and calls by now. Think you'll be totally freaked out la... You said that you'll teach me for math and physics. But you went drinking yst night so might not be able to do so. Excuses(?) I think despite getting a hang over, you'll be going to find her lo... Cos why?? Told you le, I'm already nothing to you le. Right??

One of the reasons why you wanna break up with me. Cos I'm childish and immature. Now I can tell you that you're the immature one instead. I finally realised why I even put in the effort to convey those msg I wan you to know into stories. I'm not that straight forward and cruel uh... Hahas!! So you took advantage of my sympathy and judged that I'm immature. I know how it feels like to be told off by the person closest to you about the flaws that you have. I had my darling telling me that. It felt bad. I didn't want that to happen so I tried some other ways which you deemed as immature.

The longer I talk to other people about us, the more I felt that actually, I wasn't at fault! It's the communication wise which made the problem difficult. Wrong interpreting an intention which was not to harm. Nevertheless, I still love you for who you are now and maybe forever. The memories we had together and the fun times we spent together. You fulfilled my childhood dreams of wanting to fall ever so deep in love. I feel I can die in peace already. But I can't. It always fails...

In the end, still didn't...

You reached home and texted me. Yea. I was too tired. Went to take a rest for awhile and fell asleep at that awkward position(face palm)! Haha! This time my fault... I wake up all of a sudden and dunno where my hp went also. So in the end, we still didn't talk. I Kindda missed your voice ><

Okay... Got SS exam tml before I can rest for 2 days before another paper starts. (yay?) you still haven taught me math and physics eh... When you going teach me uh?? Anyways, thanks for still testing me the good night msgs :)))
Good night, take care(iloveyou), sweet dreams, *hug hug*!! I'll morning call you tml morning ;)))

Nothing went well!

Today sucks. Yes. I texted you that msg saying that maybe we shouldn't even be friends cos I still love you. I meant it. And I tot that I really lost you for good. For the next 3-5 hours, I was regretting it. All I wanna do was to give you a call straight away and hear your voice. Not like it's very nice. But it just somehow comforting. Afterwards, I realized. You're my drug!!! I can't pass a day without hearing from you. All I wanna do was to be by your side. Since 2 years ago, I've already decided to stay devoted to you. I confine every single thing to you without missing a detail. Even if in our relationship I think that I liked someone.

Leos are very strong in their determination. Once they are determined to devoted their time onto something, they will make sure they die still being devoted. They make sure that they will be there for you.

So I guess I just fit into that category. Sometimes, I just pray to God that he'd make me be bed ridden in coma so that I wouldn't be missing you that much that it hurts.

It was a difficult decision to let you go fully neither was it easy to do wad I tot I can. I dun have the will to. I know I wouldn't be able to take it. It's just too torturous. Life's mess without you with me.

It's been really hard on me. Didn't say that it was easy for you either. But you have her. I only had you. Worst can I dun even have anyone now. You are my everyone. All I needed was you!!!

Hope we really can talk later...

Saturday breakthrough!!!

Gonna end this day with this one last post.
The day today passed very very slowly... Play games, slack and study a little before daddy came home. Showered and went to expo with daddy. Go there see see look look. In the end, only spent $14.80. Cos there were nothing to see or buy. Kindda like a wasted trip ba.

Had my first actual meal for the week. Fried kuay teow. Not nice!!! Still forced them down my throat tho. Daddy also forced his noodles down his throat. Texted you through out the trip. You were out with her. Asked some questions and stuffs. Got you angry cos I told you an example which you tot I Did for real. Thank you very much!!! It shown me how much you really cared for me.

Went jogging with you after I reached home. Our staminas both dropped. I kept feeling unwell while jogging. Had to fist my chest many times. I also dunno why I did that but it made me feel more comfortable. You smoked too much. Cannot run Liao. Wahahahaha!!! That shall teach you not to smoke.

Ran to the flying fox de playground around admiralty. Memories~~~ used to play there together. Rested for awhile there. Then ran back. I tot you told me you can't run le. So I walked. In the end, have to chase you... Run half way through. Felt a little queasy. Then vomited by the road side. Didn't wanna tell you anything cos I was afraid that you would get worried. Please dun dun wanna run with me ever again~~~ *pouts*

Ran fast to chase up with you. Ended up getting pains at the rib cage.
So I sat down straight away when I saw a chair. While I sat down, I felt blood pumping through my mind, blurry vision. Then went black for awhile until you picked me up. Almost fainted but, sorry. Didnt know that it would happen.

Went to fitness corner to rest and work out a lil. Then you ran home while I stared at the sky for stars to appear.

You should be fine by now, sleeping tightly in bed. Good night, take care (I love you), sweet dreams! *hugs*

Second weekend without you...

Today is the start of the the second weekend without you with me. Start of the day, called you. You said that you wun be going to HRC today cos you were too tired...

Haix. I dunno wad to say about you la. That's your passion and you would nvr let anything like that to make you miss out on that de... Last minute especially.

So, wad has gotten into you?? Well, just hope you know wad you're doing and wad's good for you.

I guess today I'll be slacking at home lo... Nothing to do. No you no anyone. I'm alone. As much as I hate it, I have no choice. I'm gonna miss the days where we spent together hang out or playing at home. Hehes!! Memories~^^

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Unsettled heart :/

Yeah. By the time I post this blog post, I've most likely already faced reality and think that I should let you go. You've already got her. Wad to do?? I've only got you...

But even if I pester you or things like that, you wouldn't like it. Moreover, I've already pestered you for more than over a week. I think you're irritated already right??

Well, so now I'll just be your very guai de xiaomeimei ba. But I know you'll nvr ever call me that. It's easy for you to call me by my name. But it was nvr for me. Unless we're in skool or when I'm angry.

I really hope that you wouldn't ignore me despite our relationship right now. It still hurts and I'm still afraid. It's just that now, I'll let you have your own space and probably come back when you think that it's time??

You are my first love and also the one that I love the most. My heart shattered to know that you'll no longer be by my side. But I wish you the best in NPCC, skool and your family.

We're still friends alright?? You know how I'm so afraid of totally losing you. So... Nvr do that can?? You told me that we still can maintain like this. So I hope you really meant wad you said. Trust you ;)))

For now, I'll just wait to see the day that my ultimate goal can come true. I pray to God, knowing that he knows wad is best for me.

I've nvr regretted ever giving you so much but regretted not giving you more. If fate were to bring us back together again, there is more that I would want to give to you.

Hope to see you soon^^

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Yes, that's wad I'm thinking...

I did something that I know you really hate. I know. Wad was i thinking?!
I was thinking about you. Well, no worries. I'm still alive. Wun hunt you even if im dead too. I remember you took my penknife away just because you were afraid that I would do that again. You did the right thing? I had to experiment using other things. And apparently, those thing only made it swell with only 2 drops of life liquid.
Now, all thats left are scars I guess... It feels good. It's like I've finally relieved my mind for once. But this wun cause permanent scars or send me to hell, heaven or hospital. I hate myself for doing something that I shouldn't have done. I should have endured till my exams ends. But how can I? The way you treat me cooly. And how you would ignore me and stuffs. Is that how 2 persons who deeply love each other would behave?? NO!!!
I didn't like the way you treat me esp when I know that the person who's trying to "comfort"(?) you is the girl that I was afraid you'd leave me for.
Being a stalker for a month on twitter, I know everything, yet I cant do anything about it until things started to backfire. I've already told myself to "close one eye" but by doing that, I'm losing you to her each and everytime I ignore it.
You told me that we broke up because of NPCC. Is that all? Or is there also another reason behind it as well??
You left me telling me that you still love me. I was discouraged. I hadn't done my job well, so you wanna leave me. Fine, I'll give you the space that you needed. But, have you ever considered how I felt when I actually know it all?? I tot that you were just trying to be friendly and wanted to help her since she broke up. I tot that you were that nice person that I still had in mind. But when?? When did your heart change?? You told me that it was after the break up. Am I right?? If so, why did you already act so lovingly towards her even before those things happened?? I always had those questions in my mind. Did I ever asked you about it??
I think I did. But wad was your ans?? You would tell me I dunno. When I asked you about your relationship, you told me that you were just friends. Wad about us now?? Wad about the us that we both promised to not hurt one another?? Where has it gone to?? Any ideas?? Well, seriously, I dunno wad more I could say.
But I really do still love you as much as how you had once maxed your love for me.
No matter how much you could have done to hurt me.
I'll still cling onto you.
I kept lying to myself "maybe he's just trying to make me hate him or make me jealous??"
Well, if there is anything that you may have problems with, I'm just 9 buttons away, including the "call" button.
I know that you would always tell me "I can solve my problems myself!"
But if you ever need a listening ear, I'll be there for you 24/7.

The broken hearted's rants.

Long post??

I guess I'll be devoting most of my time here from now onwards.
It's really hard to just let you go esp during examinations.
Can't study well, Can't eat well, can't sleep well, can't focus and all other sorts of rubbish!!!!
Why do i miss you that much like seriously!!!
Cos you dumped me again?
But this didn't happen the first time it happened.
So why now that i miss you so much that i cry?
Are you really gone forever?
I know, I've been doing the things that people are asking me not to do.
But i just can't take it. Everytime i called and everytime i msg, I get upset when your replies are short.
You used to be the one texting me long long long msges.
Now, I'm the one who terrorizes your inbox with mails and spam you with calls!!!
I didn't wanna do it either. But I'm scared. I have no other activities to commit to.
You have. You have her too! But I've got nothing, nothing at all!
Told you about your blog's password.
I actually knows the password.WOW~~~!!!
But since i told you until now, have you even checked your account yet???
I guess not right?
You gonna meet your gal later.
Yea. She's better than me. She can drink better than me, understand you better than i do, go look for you other than having you look for her, and wad's more? She at a legal age!!!
Now, who do i blame? Blame mama for having intercourse too late?
Well, i guess I've only got myself to blame...
I was supposed to go for VIP last year end.
But mummy wan me to work, so wad can i do??? Lan Lan Lo~~~
But i think i now regret. Why?
Cos if i went, i might not be the one losing you now.
We could have been more happy. Right? RIGHT!!!
So, now, wad do i do????
Life without you is boring, sucky, heartbreaking, masochist, lifeless, sad, moodless, and dead.
Well, just consider me dead ba.
And every morning when you have to attend classes, a ghost frm hell will make a wake up call just for you from below ^^ (Damn Cool~~~!!!)
Why am i even behaving in such manner???
I asked myself for the 123456789.... I dunno how many time la!!!!
But can you answer that question for me??
I sure hope you can. You always have the answers. Or do you...(?)
HMMMMMMM.... I dunno! But guess wad! I just realised!
Since i started posting again, all posts are so long long long long de.
Something that you used to request for, long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long posts!!!
Wah! So long...
Oh, and i just realised... This is like my 100th post!!! YAY(?)
Didn't expect it to be so emo :/