A Long Long~~~ post!!

Hey Y'all!!!

I'm back!!

It's been a long time since i last updated this almost dead de blog.

Why i suddenly post leh??

Cos our dear sleeping god too bored liao.

Need entertainment. 

So, here i am!! :DDD

Lemme see...
This blog had been quite dead since... 220612.
Abandoned for around 2 months plus??
For the past 2 months plus, many many things had happened.

I've made wrong judgments,
trusted the wrong person with very important things and got myself into much trouble...
Haix!!
Regretful much!!
But, no point crying over spilt milk...

So now it's sec skool students' one week holiday.
Honestly, i think the holiday is seriously no use to me la.
Slack at home all day and only going out at night to chiong exercise.
Good thing i have someone to accompany me to exercise.
Else uh... From skinny become fats here and there.
Have been eating a lot a lot.
So honestly, $100 per month where got enough...

Let's see... This week Monday(1st day of hols).
Home all day slack, watch TV, Eat, Sleep, Lazing around  in the day.
At night, went gym-ing with Kor.
First time go gym leh...
You break another of my virginity liao lo.
Dunno how many more virginities you wanna take away from me uh.

Ran on the thread mill.
Run finish liao i was like heh heh heh heh heh!!!
Phant likea dog!!

Tuesday, same routine.
Until at night, gym then swim.
Till... Hmm... STM~ I forgot wad time.
Then got home, eat, shower, sit-ups, KOON!!!

Wednesday, which is also yst.

Same routine again!!

Then gym at 7pm and to stadium to run till around 9pm??

Then daddy drove me home.
Had Grilled salmon for dinnz and then koonz after talking on the phone.

And today's thursday.

Gek muscle early in the morning and walah!!!

Wad the hack was that...
MUSCLES?! *gasps*

Scare myself only...

But seriously uh, 17 years or my life nvr once i have muscles de uh...

So , after that, *stomach growls* DU ZI E LO!!!

Went to vista point to buy meal.
Initially planned to have nasi lemak but sis wanna eat nasi lemak.
So, i ate something else.
Decided to settle with a protein-ful meal.
Packed spicy chicken with rice (korean style) and bought soya bean milk.
Homed, eaten and tot if i should continue doing homework but that stupid girl go on TV...
Procrastinating...
Watched TV ...
Then, here i am!!!
Hehehehehehes!!!

Okay...
I still have 3 days before before skool starts again.
And on Monday, it's SS paper.
Haven even studied!! OMG!!! >.<
But SS very easy study de la.
So, relax~~~

Hmm... LEmme seeeeee...

Is this long enough??

Hao xiang bu gou chang hor??

Well, anyways~~~

Tonight's gonna go gym again.

Chiong exercise lo!!!

Gonna end the post with...


CUTE RIGHT???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!!!

Until next time~~~

Things just couldn't get any worse than this!

I think I'm really sick... Haiz!! The last thing I wanna get when no one is gonna take care of me. I hate this feeling. Makes me miss the hugs and the company of the one who used to sit by my bedside when I was sick. I swear I need someone right now to hug!!! I miss that scent! I'm scared!!! For no reasons... Call me a coward. But that's how I am, get scared easily by the littlest things :'(
Yst I was like. Wah... You fall sick more than I do hor... And today, I have to take back my words. But you still fall sick more than me in... let's say 3 months ba. Yst ask you take anarex for headache and fever. Today, my turn to take anarex, for severe headache!! Now all I have to do is to wait for half an hour to pass. Hopefully it would go away.
Today, I told myself that I have to finish English essay and SS SBQ. In the end, I found out that I left my SS book in skool. Can't do, so I wanted to complete my essay. Half way through the day, I was sneezing like mad. More than 10 times in a row. I swear that I could have fainted due to lack of oxygen. Sneezed so much I curled up into a ball. Soon, tears were rolling down my cheeks. Then, cried for no reasons. Hehes... Eventually, landed in lalaland for an hour plus only to be woken up by the headache. 真的很辛苦啊！Dear God, please be nice to me. Dun ever let me fall sick again without a boyfriend or a guy for me to hug! >.<
I'm not that independent. I'm slowly trying to. But just not yet.
Haix! Today actually wanna drink alcohol de. But considering the current headache that I am having, the alcohol could only make it worse. At least I'm still responsible for my own health.
As for my English essay, I done like 4/5 of it already. Just a little of the forth para and the last para and I'm done. But I think I'll only finish it tml. Cannot tahan the pain liao. Hate it when the park is just downstairs... Noisy even with windows closed. Causing more stress to my head!
Feel like just screaming downstairs "야!!!! 시끄러!!!". Even though I know maybe not even a person will understand wad I'm talking about, but that confirm will just shut them up. But, I now talk also mummy have to go "huh?!" Liao. How to shout?? Can't. I feel so pathetic! 真的很想哭了啦！

No motivation at all!!!

It's the last week of the June hols. Lotsa hw to be done, no motivation to even start one... Haix!!! How did I actually survive June hols hw?? Anyone remember?? Can remind me how I did survive?? Cos I forgot how... Somehow I even forgot how to study Liao!! Jialat right... Why must all these happen to me!!!! Not only that. Since that day, the house had been total hell till now! Screams around the house. I guess it had always been like that but I just didn't realize back then(?) So now that I know... I'm fwagging pissed off la... No one remind me to chill, so I screw anyone who pisses me at home. Lika walking machine gun! Piss me and see wad you get. Wait... Is this me?? Why do I sound so stranger to myself?? Urgh!!!!! FTS!! Guess I totally lost myself... 我跑到哪里去了？我是迷路了吗？怎么种觉得自己好像找不到回家的路能？家在哪里？I guess I shouldn't had gotten so deep into that foreign land. I dunno where I'm standing anymore... I'm scared. Yet, all I can do now is act like I'm totally fine and... FML!!!

JKMS~ <3

Haven been a really good or a really bad day. Days as usual, go skool for D&T and stuffs like that lo. So also nothing special to talk about. Except for this guy who texts me every night for no reason. Hahas! First time i heard from someone that K-ing in the rooms is cute. Dunno him la. But i think he's the cute one instead. For the past few days, had been trying to keep myself busy...(i guess).

Monday, woke up like 6AM in the morning to meet one of my cadets at the old BNS and headed down to Bishan. The train in morning was packed like sardines (that when I held onto my phone, it was only less than 10cm away from my face) while the speed of the train was like caterpillar crawling. Wad seems like 30mins from Woodlands to Bishan suddenly seemed to take for ever!! When we reached Bishan, we tailed a RI student to the campus cos we dun really know how to enter the skool. Headed to the campus' canteen to meet up with Miss Azleen and the rest of the unit for the Astar camp. It was the last day of the camp. I brought homework there so i sat beside Miss Azleen and tried to get my physics homework done. Half way through, helped Miss Azleen to think of some ideas for an enrichment session for WGSRCY. We did chocolate making, kite making, dragon boating, hippo tour, balloon sculpting in my five years in skool. So had to think of something new and beneficial. Initially tot of batik since we did it in Batam but it might be dangerous cos we had to burn the wax and the tools and materials have to be bought. Plus, we didn't have someone to teach us how it should be done nicely. So i suggested fabric dyeing. Might require some boiling if we were to extract the dyes from plants but would most prolly not be as dangerous. Anyways, were all First Aid certified RCY cadets. Scald, we know wad to do yeah~ So did all the planning, research and stuffs like that while the cadets and the VIs do their things. After the whole parade and activities end, bused the cadets back to the skool. The boys hor... Haix!!! So inconsiderate la!! They changed out their uniforms on the bus at the back as if it's their house. There are females on the bus la please!!! Had a long 2 hours talk with Miss Azleen with bubble tea in our hands at Vista Point after all the kids went home. It was sure encouraging for a form teacher to be counselling her student like that for 2 hours straight!! It seems like counselling had always been 2 hours or more for me. Problems like a piled up rubbish dump like this. Can't even burn! Headed down to the bank to collect money after parting ways with Miss Azleen. After that, i stood in front of the MRT station for about an hours or more cos i was deciding if i should go to Pasir Ris to celebrate Edwin Lim's birthday. In the end didn't go cos it was too late. So i decided to wait for mummy to come back then go home together with her. I think i stood too long or something. Got some dizzy spells and almost fainted... When i reached home, had a little food for dinn and went to sleep straight afterwards. My sister even had to help me change out cos i can't really move. That night, woke up around 11 plus near 12 and had an ENJOYABLE talk with someone who knows me way too well... Hahahaas!!!

Tuesday, skool as per normal. Went to skool at around 9 plus 10. Nothing much happened that day so yea... It's always at night that phone calls can get interesting lo. Texted this guy all night he's kindda... Dunno wad to say. Random?? Met him for awhile cos of something and came home, sleep. That's all i can say...??

Wednesday which is yesterday like 50mins ago. Morning, the new CD shop's staff called me cos i wanted to get B1A4's Ignition Special Edition album but it cost like $35?! Ex la!!! So i went online and searched for preorders online from Fan sites. They are the best la!! Always offering the lowest prices for K-pop fans. So without considering much, transferred money to order the Album for only $23. The new CD shop is like cheating money okay... $12 diff!!! That's a lot okay... Headed to skool at around 1030. Did quite a lot today. I guess. Then asked Mr Tan for solutions for my problem in the end, my artifact became more complicating. CONGRATULATIONS, YONG SIN YEE!!! YOU DID IT!!! MORE WORK FOR YOU TML!!! Haiz... Like wad the shitt la... So tml gonna head to skool early. And leave early cos after that gonna meet darling and other girlfriends to town for shopping spree~ Rare chance. Hope i dun get too tired tml and faint again uh... Hahahas!! Mummy say she gonna bring me to the doctors during the weekend le. Cos think i've got anemia or something like that... Yea. Hope all's fine.

Well, gonna hit the sack soon. Not early lo~ Just gonna share a song before i end this post.



Was looking up on Parachute Band and randomly clicked this song. The song is really nice though. *thumbs-up*

P.S. ILOVEYOU

我真愚蠢。

Hi! Back! Haix! Dumb dumb me. I'm still the same Sinyee la, Generally. Only lost weight, lost that cheerful soul and lost the courage to trust others. 可是最终, 样子没变。朋友还在。家人没死。我还活。大家都没事。就除了失去心里那一大部分的感情之外，应该都没什么大碍。

这擦不多两个月的时间过得实在是太慢了啦... 总觉得时间太多。希望一天只有12个小时，那么一天就会跟快地过去。

Maybe it's cos I've no motivation to do things anymore ba. Last time study at night after you leave also no problem. Now see books, *snores*. And I realized something else. 因该是我变得越来越像你了吧...

I think I fall asleep faster now. Lie down, 3 mins at most, *sleeps like a baby*. Phone ring also wun wake up... Jialat. 会不会有一天跟你一样，睡得像头死猪... 안돼! 안돼 안돼 말도 안돼! But sound good... But sleeping too much 会肥呃... Oh Bitch! I'm always so indecisive... Argh! Forget it!

Lets see... Lets talk about yst. Supposed to go party at azzura with this guy friend yst night. But I heed his advice and gave it a miss. Spent whole day and night reading fan fictions. Love those stories ttm! It always gets my imagination running wild! How I wish I could just live in one of the stories... Then damsel in distress ,fairy godmothers and happily ever after would exist! Well, it's just too bad that we live in reality. And our only fairy tale time is the time we lack the most; sleep time! Cos of D&T, no rest, no sleep, no time study. Just hope that I would get a reasonable grade for my effort in the end.

To end off this post, wanna share a song. Call me maybe but Carly Rae Jepson. Somehow linked to the first time we met and talk. Wahaha! Think I'm listening to more English songs now. Thanks to the new karaoke app in my phone^^

Yeap. That's all goodnight earthlings!

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没想到就真的发生了...

Haix!  It's only like 4 in the nothing yet I'm up already... Amazing right?? I hate this feeling la please... 原本期待可能可以轻松一点最后，满头的想到他就... *Sigh* I dunno anymore. 这种到底还有什么问题可以解决。

Today , I know that its kinda late but...Your smile had been my drugs. I was thinking of how sweet it was to kiss into it. I remember that time when I cried for MT paper you comforted me for a whole night. This time how will you react leh?? Nothing lo. Hahas! but why do I have that  I wan a hug de feeling. Smiled at myself stupidly after I tot of that time. Happy memories~

Later at night, images of that day flashed through my mine. I remembered how you reacted when I pushed you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even loosen my grasp. Hahas!

Anyways, many things happened today. Feel so sorry for myself... Seriously, am I that easy?? Haix! 反正我已经变成一个很容易底声下气的人了。那就是我生命中的苦吧。要的东西都再也不可能得到，永远都得不到。所以自己想走向前一步时，一定需要让步。人家想要我做什么我就得做什么。 It kinda sounds like I've because easy.

보고싶어요~!

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난 지쳤어

Throwing things aside and continuing with wad i'm supposed to do. I think i throw everything aside liao. Until i dun even study :/ I'm not sure wad this is gonna be but hope nothing bad... I guess I'm just immune to those things already. Hahas... How to throw those things aside making sure that i still study leh... I keep telling myself need to study but in the end... HAIZ!!!

 Recently, felt really down for i also dunno for wad reason!! No one to talk to also... Fucked up life. Feel like telling God that i quit!! Haiyo... Really nvr tot of unhappy stuffs la. Why people keep saying that i am doing things that way leh... Cos of the vids/songs?? If it is... Then it's cos i tot the songs were nice. Used to listen to it a lot then i share de... If it is about the posts, then it's nothing much also. Some i just feel like the quote nice also then post de. Shakespears and all... Not nice meh?? I like leh. Haiz... Anyways, dunno why some people even think that those quotes are even related to you. I mean not all are ya know??

Haiya. Lets just say many many things happen la. Now, i dun even know who to trust. Yea. I dun even think that I wanna trust myself anymore. Cos my heart just kept on being played with. Yes, everyone's doing that. Hey peeps, you know who you are la. Stop it can... Sometimes ah, you keep giving me this... I dunno... hen guai lan de feeling like i owe you de leh. And please... Stop talking to me about those things la can?? Wo hen lei liao la. I dun wanna think about it yet you keep reminding me. Tell you once and for all ah... He is my best friend. You know??? HUH??? YOU KNOW OR NOT?! F.R.I.E.N.D! Friend!!! Hao peng you! Chin han chin gu!!! So you fucking shut your cum guzzler's mouth up!! Dunno how many times i have to tell you leh... You wanna piss me off?? Go ahead. And boy ah... I just dun like you like that. Do you even know me well?? Do you even know him well?? No right?? So dun comment about anything between him and me. I had good times with him, he made me happy for that period of time. At least he can give me that. You, ma boy, just piss me off! So dun you even tell me any of your opinions about my stuff anymore or i stuck your own dick in your mouth! ARGH! I'm so gonna bite!!!

If this had nvr even happened...  Guess I'm still happily playing around la. And, Guess i also wun turn into such a mess. Haiya... Wei shen mo bu yao rang wo kuai dian si diao... Fan zhen now, i shouldn't take life so seriously le. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to feel my desires, stress yi da dui. Anyways, in this life thingy, no one's ever gonna make it out alive. Lord, just take my life. I dun wan it anymore. The script too hard to act out liao... I'm not some kind of actress. I can't continue acting on like this. Je veux que vous savez tout! Mais j'ai peur de ce que tu diras, je suis donc en la poussant à côté pour le moment. Il est difficile de faux sourire à chaque fois que. Je suis fatigué, les gens ont beaucoup de commentaires sur chaque chose que je fais. Comment est-ce? Maintenant, ma vie est pourrie!Je ne veux pas que mes sentiments d'affecter notre amitié. Je veux les choses à l'aimer pour être utilisé. Le temps où je pouvais encore être près de toi malgré un autre partenaire. J'aime bien ça. Nous étions comme des frères et sœurs réels. Parlez tout et n'importe quoi, se plaindre de tant de choses. Je veux que nous soyons heureux avec l'autre. Ne pas essayer d'éviter d'autres ennemis comme chacun. Il suce que nous avons est devenu comme ça et c'est de ma faute pour abriter encore des sentiments pour vous. Je ne vais pas le montrer. Je veux juste que tu sois heureuse. Et je sais que vous n'êtes pas satisfait la plupart du temps en raison de son. Et elle n'est pas heureuse à cause de moi. Si je peux, je veux serait la rencontrer et lui dire combien vous l'aimez et qu'elle peut vous faire confiance sur ce point. Je ne veux pas vous voir à nouveau. Pas plus.

Gosh...

CHEEEEEEBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lost my touchy... :'( *emotional break down* OMG!!!! I'm really sad right now man... I dun mind losing that device but the contents... DIE DIE ALSO CANNOT LOSE!!!! No music nvm, got CD and can download but my pix and vids are all gone!!! Hope some kind soul will find my touchy and return it... *prays* I'm like in desperate need to get my touchy back just because of those things right now la!!! Those pix and vids are my precious!!! Argh!!! I swear I'm gonna thank that person who finds touchy!!! Just get me those pix and vids back and you can have the device. I wan the vids back esp! Those are like the last bits of my happy memories~ T.T

Last night, i had a dream. It was... Hmm... Kindda weird cos it felt real. Yet, i dun think i really would do that for nothing... Not gonna talk about wad dream it was though... Hahahas!! Else i think tonight also will get the same dream le. Had to confess that it felt nice to have that kind of dream. The other side of me... HEHEHEHE!!! Missed it quite a lot...

Today, did nothing much... At home slack one whole day, thinking about the op... Scary... Haiz! Have to face it anyways. It's my own fate. Thanks to me for not taking care of my own body... And mister, get that in your mind, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! But it's really scary how the lack of nutrition can do to your body. Yet, i guess it's better to get it over and done with ASAP else it'll bother me even further in the future. Tot about it all day. Hugged Aydeen around for the whole day. I just love her smell <3 At night, went to Giant. Wore something quite translucent the mei was like "Walao... Can see through one might as well dun wear la!!" But i think it's just fine lehhh... Think she's jealous cos she's my lover. WAHAHA!!! Had dindin at Giant the food there... Aweful -.- Mummy bought hor fun yet the sauce taste like soya sauce. Not nice at all... Spent a total of $331.++ there. Bought many many alcohol and fruits. Daddy bought 4 bottles of red wine, 3 cartons of beer, Longan, apple, orange, avocado and many many other things. When we were about to go pay for our purchases, something caught my eye. NIVEA good-bye cellulite gel-cream. Then i went to mei and told her "I know wad you need." And she just happily follows behind me. Pointed to her the ad board and she was like *squints eyes* *understood* =.= "will work meh... Looks ex leh..." So i just took one which costs $30 for 200ml. Yea. Quite ex. I wonder if it really works uh... Good for everyone.

So, now I'm home. Playing tetris and stuffs like that. And drinking red wine. Just because i finished a whole glass in 3 mins, daddy thinks that i can drink more so he poured a whole cup(beer cup size) and asked me to finish it cos he dun wanna keep the red wine. Honestly, I'm a little giddy already uh... Hahahas!! Haven even finished yet. Shall go finish it now. Bye~

Hospital...

Look wad i've done to myself... Haiz!! I dunno anymore la!! I dun really know exactly how i managed to get myself into so much trouble physically. Good la. Need go hospital liao lo. Hahahas!!!

How i wish i wasn't back. Much to think about at home. Once i step into the house, all the memories of us flashed back in my mind. I started to see you everywhere at home. Hahas! Gosh, i even left a big space beside me when i slept hugging Aydeen. Hahas. Fuck it... You just seem to appear in every corner around me. Hehes. I think I really am crazy like you said.

I'm tired now. Bye world~ <3

Goodness gracious!!!

Weee~ I'm back... With more injuries... Guess you can say i did it on purpose. But I still prefer to call it accidental. Cos well, it just doesn't sound like me to do these things on purpose. Anyways, I'm totally sinful to myself la. Last night, Daddy cooked a table of delicious dishes. Can't help it. Too tempting. Eaten 2 bowls of rice. And in the morning, I had 3 soft boiled eggs, 2 pieces of white bread, 11 mussels and had a bowl of fried beehoon. I can't believe myself too, i was full. CERTAINLY!!! But my stomach remained as flat!!! I know something is terribly wrong with my body alright... I mean. Yea, this is not normal and i haven't been starving myself lately. Have been taking heavy meals. Usual weight would normally be 42.++-43kg. But it's dropped to 40.++ and sometimes even 39kg... Tried my best to gain some weight but, nothing seems to work at all!!! FUCK!! When i wanna slim down, i gain weight. When i wanna get healthier, the numbers on the weighing machine just wun increase!!! Damn irritated now. Mummy says that she'll be bringing me to the doctors soon if this continues on. I hate the doctors -.- Always got tests to do and poking here and there. And too many questions from them!! The last time i went there, it was only for menstrual pains. Yet, stayed in the clinic for somewhat 1hour++. Haix! Though i missed being sick. But being sick now is pointless. Wun gain any attention from you. You wun be there to take care of me like you used to. It kindda reminded me of the time when i had fever. I slept in the room while you read Archie's beside me. Suddenly, I sat up and vomited. You were so surprised back then! So caring and patient with me you even packed porridge for me to eat cos i had no appetite at all. Thinking back, I guess I wasn't a good girlfriend after all. Asked you to come to my house even when you're sick. But I did had fun while taking care of you in my own house. Hehes^^ Slept with you after you took your medication, cooked for you, and it was my turn to read Archie's while you sleep that's when you had fever cos the towel on your forehead had to be cooled. I MISSED THOSE TIMES!!! Even though i can't get back those time with you anymore, i sure hope that you would remember those times we had together :))) Those are the memories which are worth to keep cos they are happy memories!!! Hmm... Seems like you really wan her as your wife liao uh... HAHAHAS!!! Okay... I'm sad. But there's nothing that i can do. We are already drifting apart. How i wish it didn't happen but it did. Yet, there's no point crying over spilt milo.(I dun like milk) It's great to know that you're happy. I know, by the time i realize this, I should decide that i should move on. But, I guess I'm just too stubborn. Lalalalala~~~ I guess I'm still gonna hang on even though the journey for me would be tough. I have to cos I have to fight for wad i wan. Nvr in my life have i ever fought so hard for someone that i love. Yea, not even my parents. Fight WITH them then have but nvr FOR them. So, this is something new to me. Hopefully, i succeed!^^ YONG SIN YEE, HWAITING~!

Sharing a boat with him...

Skool went quite well today. Ming bridges came but I wasn't there la.  Cleaned table top and stuffs like that la. Celebrated birthday for March to May babies. Had chocolate cakes (my favorite), prize presentation for to students and got back our report books. That uncle Lim... He got top for c.science, c.humanities and English and apparently came out as top in class. Good brains... I was the one in-charge of the photo taking. Got 4 photos of Edwin on my touchy la. Gonna upload the pix tml. Yea. Sang happy birthday to the birthday babies and had chocolate cakes. The cakes are so addictive la!! Ate one piece but had many left overs so we asked for second piece. Got Miss Azleen's permission and had a second piece of cake. Shared the cake with Rifqi. Miss Azleen made jellies too!! I like the fruits in the jelly. Got back our report books and my results... CMI... Cui ttm!! Today uh... Dunno why. I keep shitting. Now my Asshole burning sia. Ate to much chocolates I think. My waste are so chocolaty color. And for some stupid shit, my weight keeps going down even when I am eating so much these days... Kinda worried that I've shrunk or my boobs turned smaller... Oh no!! So now, I'm on mission gain weight. To get back my boobies fats. No flat chest for me!! After skool, went home. Bored. So watched coyote ugly. I liked the show so cool lo ~ talked to Boxin and we texted about our love. 我们两个的爱情故事还差不多。所以现在我们两同病相怜咯。 Talked about our him or she. Then 互相安慰。 Hahas! Both of us are the pathetic ones hoping for the impossible. Daddy mummy today quarrel cos of that stupid girl. Haix! Let's not talk about it ba. 讨厌!! Anyways, today Mei returned home late. I tot I hearts the door and went out to check. It was dark and I stare around. Suddenly, I tot I saw something and got really scared I dashed into the room and phoned you straight!! Told you wad I saw. You said that my brain's playing tricks on me. Later, jiayee came into the room and I was like. Oh!q you're back... And she was like you dunno meh... And she told me wad she saw. She said that when she came home, I came out. I stared at her for a very long time. And your I saw her. And all of a sudden, I freaked out and ran to the room and slammed the for behind me. SO she was the thing that I saw. Stupid her la! Nvr talk! Scared the hell outta me la!! Shitty mama... After that we compared our results and then I called you to tell you good night and now I'm hiring the sack lo~ good night people. And to you, goodnight, take care, sweet dreams, sleep tight, Iloveyou, imissyou and that's all^^

Determination leads to success!

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Getting me prepared for the worst??

Today, was a day that I think I get injured the most (physically and mentally). First up, I was cutting the acrylic using the bench saw and my finger accidentally bua until the blade. Cut wasn't too deep, so seems like the blade wasn't as sharp afterall. Second time, I was using the small file to file the acrylic. While filing, the sharp tip did a bloody drawing on my palm, creating a beautiful red line across the upper part of my palm, near the index finger. First thing I did, see how deep it was. Heng it wasn't deep much. Around 2-3mm deep and I went on exploring the cut by splitting it. WAHAHAHA!! You must be thinking that I'm crazy but well, I'm just being plain curious... Surprisingly, it didn't even hurt abit. The third injury, now, is the medium sized file. Was filing while I held onto the acrylic so the file slipped and I filed my thumb. It skinned my thumb for a little. Now, it's swollen... Dunno wad's wrong with me la. I know very well that what I did was dangerous but nvr did I wanna take any safety precautions. Except for the protection for my eyes, goggles. Also dunno if I tried to injure myself on purpose or wad... Too many injuries. Call them accidental?? But they occur way too many times in a day. After DnT, went to RCY. Boxin and Jiashin came back cos they just finished their exams. Good for them la... Come back and see us suffer only. Boxin is still as short and nice to bully!! ;DDD RCY today playing captain's ball. Boxin and I were bored, so we took the netball which is used for the ball games and played volley. Fuck pain la!!! First undersurf was nothing much. As we got into the game, the ball hit our arms and I was like "FUCK!!! This is far worse than fucking!!!" (just exaggerating). Felt sharp pains and arms got Kindda sore. But we continued to play. Until I screamed "哇！不可以了！Damn 痛啊!" then we both looked at our arms. Wowweeee~~~ one whole patch red like just BBQ before. Then I realized that I got some red dots underneath my skin. Didn't know wad it was. Went to check it on the Internet. Was quite surprised when they said that I was due to some broken blood vessels. Must have been playing too roughly. Now, some light bruises can be seen on my arms. And the broken blood vessels still remains. Somehow looks Kindda disgusting leh... Like kena some kind of disease like that. So that was the fourth injury of the day. Reached home. Yea, as usual, checked all the social network sites including yours. I see that you changed your DP. The pix... Very sweet hor... Ha ha ha... *suddenly hears something shatter* OMTian...!!! I broke something!!! It's my heart... *heartbroken* But yet I'm still Kindda proud of myself. Cos I think our pix (many of them) look nicer than that!!! Xp
Oopsies~! Am I being too straight forward?? XDDD Not gonna deny it cos imma LEO!!! it's how I am!!! You also know that I'm like this de la. Then suddenly, I find myself staring at you and smile instead. Wahaha!!! You look so cute!!! >.< As I'm composing this entry, I'm texting you. Hehes^^ I told you I'll text you at night de Liao... Dun 小看你这个小妹妹哦！Even though my memory's not that good but I'll nvr ever forget to contact you de. :)))

I'm gonna be a little selfish~!

Skool today as per normal. Did D&T all the way yea. I've managed to finish 10pages today but was all half bucket work so teacher complained. No tablet for us today so can imagine how bored we were. We practically took that as our own room. I got tired so just laid there and slept for quite sometime. Surprisingly, Mr Oh tot that the room was empty. Hahahas!!! Thank goodness!!! Else he'll catch me sleeping so comfortably in that room. Cos i practically took the bench as my bed, used a jacket as my blanket and my bag as a pillow.Yes, I'm that tired... And not to mention, BORED TO SLEEP!!!! I was being kindda selfish cos i refused to do the work while i keep asking for people to help me. Sorry uh... I needa rest so, I'm gonna be a little selfish~ Had a late night yst cos i couldn't sleep until i took the oral therapy. Slept like a baby for the whole night. Shiok ah~ Until i was almost late for skool but it was raining, who cares~ Recently, I had really be a little selfish yea. In many ways la. Most of the time when i did things, I only tot about myself. Yea, it's all bout me, moi, i and myself!! But, HA, who cares~ Just gonna enjoy life like how I am la. No one's gonna ever care bout wad i do now anyways. Yea, I've changed. You changed, so why can't I?? I just wanna be that selfish person who only thinks bout me, cares bout you less and do wad I wanna do bout my own body. It's no use~ It's no use~ Those memories just dun change at all or do they...?? Ain't gonna think bout it aye. Peishan and I treated the enthography room like a k suite. Karaoke in the room with our phones. We just find our own entertainment when teacher just dun give it to us. Sing sang sung many many songs~ Now my throat erherm!!! *pain* Haiz... Same phrase, who cares~ I'm just gonna think bout myself, not even my body can control la. Think I'm gonna do many many things from now on. You moved on so easily(easier than me). I guess only by making myself realize how much I hurt myself trying to move on with things can really help me move on yea?? Tryin stupid things, acting stupid and even making myself feel stupid. Think I'm in such a pity plight?? Yea. I think so too... But, who cares~ No one!! So, let's just let it be... Cos I'm just gonna be...

Even though it's different now, you're still here somehow~

Yeap! Things are different now. Gotta accept reality as it is. It's cruel, everyone know it yet life still goes on... It took me quite some short time. I guess all I can do now is to use my imagination dat's all. Went for counseling today. And yea... Still, took 2 hours in there again. Talked a lot. Yup, I'm not ready to forget I'm not ready to give up. But I still have plans for myself. So I'm just gonna put our things aside first. Have to also take into consideration my dear's feelings la. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. Someone once told me that love is selfish. I loved him way too much I can't lose him totally. Haven been able to focus on my studies much so Mrs Stella Goh tot me a method I can help myself and motivate myself to study. I really loved the idea. Let's just hope that it works for me^^ *fingers crossed* These days, I haven't been me. I missed the old me who would be so childish towards this one person just so that I can see him return an aegyo back. Missed those times. Hahas!! Had a really good talk with Mrs Goh and she tot me many things and told me things that I have to know. Although those things that she said did hurt me a lot but yea. I guess it's true. I have to be prepared I still have my own future whether or not he's gonna be in it. Yea, Mrs Goh did tell me that I'm intelligent. I know what I should do yet my heart just tells me otherwise. Hahas! But that's me. Silly and stubborn. I hurt myself yet I didn't mind at all. Dug a really deep hole for myself to be burried in yet I'm not doing anything to make the hole shallow again. One day, I'm just gonna jump into that hole and be gone forever. Had always tot that it would be the best solution of all yet, I am having doubts about it. How about my dreams?? I had set myself to be successful. Am I just gonna die without having to feel the success in my life?? So I've decided that yes, I may still be harbouring some feelings for you but I'm not gonna let it show or let it affect my studies or my life. May I wish myself luck cos I know it's nvr gonna be easy. One day, I'll make Miley cyrus' I miss you depict the situation I'm in.

Emptiness...

I woke up crying, feeling all empty inside me. I was so scared. I tried calling you though knowing that you'd nvr pick up. It really was terrifying. I needed someone to talk to me. Soon enough, I felt my face heat up and without me noticing, a drop of tear rolled down my cheek. Do I really wanna do this?? It's really hard! It's not the first time It had happened. It always does. And it hurts. I hate the feeling of being alone. It scares me. Yes, I'm crazy. I think about you still over and over. There were many what if-s questions on my mind. And now I know, you'll no longer help me answer them ever again. So from whom shallth I seek all these answers from?? I need them answered. I need my comfort. I missed your hugs. I feel so lost. I missed the way you always helped me through. I think I'm going crazy. I missed the way you whisper into my ears telling me that everything would be fine. I feel like dying. That's the feeling Have nvr gotten before when you're with me. It is also the feeling which felt strongest each time I thought of you. I can't seem to get you outta mind! I read fiction stories hoping that we are just like the main leads. Nvr tot that one day you would totally ignore me. Will I be really alright without your presence anymore?? I want you to tell me the feelings you have inside. Maybe I would make myself die for one last time cos I'd rather commit suicide(die fast) than live with an illness which kills me more each and everyday(slow death).

Good night, take care, sweet dreams, iloveyou...

It hurts... </3

Weeeee~ I'm posting again!! It's only like 3 in the morning and I'm up. Head spinning, heart racing due to alcohol. Yea. Got myself drunk. Normally drink Bacardi with only 4.8% de me today doubled my alcohol intake. Tried a new brand which has a concentration of 8%/vol. So it's equivalent to consuming 3-4 times my normal alcohol intake cos I drank 2 bottles (with left over). The feeling when the effect comes in, nice until you think that you wanna vomit. Lay down on the bed for awhile then felt like something is gushing out of my mouth. Chiong ah~! Like pathetic only, sit beside toilet bowl until something comes out.

I msg you by accident was supposed to send that text to jingxiang. When I saw your reply was like why you msg me?? How you know I drinking leh?? Then I realized I msg wrong person... Haiz! I'm sorry.

After drinking, I made a decision. It wasn't an easy decision but I guess that's the only way left. Hope it works.

你又老一岁咯~!

Happy 19th birthday, Liow xin quan!!!! It's your 19th birthday today! All I can do for you is to celebrate an advanced birthday for you, get you a present and make you a birthday card la... You accepted everything that I did and gave you *happy2*. Though this year can't celebrate with you how we did last year, but still hope you really were happy with that mini celebration la.

Birthday msg:
Thank you so much for having been by my side for the past 2 years! Had many many many many many many many many many many many many memories with you! I thank God that he had placed you in my life. You taught me many things from how to be a good girlfriend to how to be a good person. For the past 1year 6months and 9days that we were together, we went through hard times together and did almost everything together!!! *spazz about past*. You were also there for me even when we broke up. Hehes^^ Might sound ridiculous, but well, I could have died if it wasn't for you. You know all of my darkest secrets and habits. You are one of the rarest person I'm gonna find in life, Someone who knows me better than I do! I had promised you many things and now, I'm gonna slowly fulfill all of it. By having the mini celebration and your birthday present, I had already fulfilled 2 out of the many!! Yayyyyy!!!! Still got many many more to go though. Those promises may not apply to you already, but it sure still applies to me :))) Hehes^^ Although some promises are like life time commitments, but I'll try my very best to fulfill it even if you think it's unnecessary. 那些都是我对你订下的陈诺，就算是得用一辈子的时间来实现，我还是会经我所能去搬到的!! So, yea. Once again, happy birthday, 생일축하합니다, joyeux anniversaire, お誕生日おめでとうございます，生日快乐, selamat ulang tahun,Chúc mừng sinh nhật, สุขสันต์วันเกิด!!! 

P.s. 영원히 사랑해~! <3

Love,
Sinyee
(170512)

Ruining things...

Didn't start my day quite well today. Start of skool, was talking to you. Dunno why all if a sudden we talked about quarreling. Then, suddenly I told you that I'm still staying penguin. Yea. That fucking changed the attitude of you towards me. Ruined my own day. Fuck!!! For the rest of the day, I really dunno wad to do. You'll be with her for the rest of the day. So we can't text cos she really dun like. Dun see you doing that when we were together. Ask you dun contact her yet you still texted her when you're with me. In know you say Is different case ma. But I dun see the difference. The only difference I see is how you treat us and her differently lo. Yea. You created twitter cos of her, you go find her when you told me that you were with your guy friends and I even suspected that you left me cos of her too!*smirk* Dunno wad to say la. But yea, you became the person you once said that you wouldn't.

D&T today as usual. First hour of D&T intensive, slack cos teacher wasn't there when we needed them. Did some modeling and testing. And dizzy for whole day even with no optical illusions staring today. I'm angry at myself la!!! Why am I falling sick now lo... Haiz! Gonna go for counseling again soon cos Ms Stella goh wanna talk to me. Think I really needa talk to her also. Gonna have a good round of crying session with her again. I really needa cry man... I had been really down recently but nothing seems to be coming out! Pathetic me... Cannot cry Also needa go counseling, I'm sick!!

Teacher de expectations on peishan and I really very high. They wan us to finish everything by next week?! Oh bitch please, we're not robots. I'm already stressed enough that white hair is growing in my scalp! My flower only need to do 6-7 pages of DD?? Crazy man~ physics teacher and English teacher also got give homework when we also having our own intensive. I'm dying le lo... Everybody seems to be wanting me to do more. One day, I'm just gonna collapse under the stress.

Came home at 430 and now, I think I'm gonna go sleep le. Good night, take care and sweet dreams!

P.s. 난 니가 보고싶어서.

You spin my head right round, right round~

Weeee~ Had been having very very dizzy days for the past 2 Days. Staring at optical illusion stuffs for hours and hours just to get one nice nice de illusion for my product to fulfill that amusement part. Finally had the pictures printed out. And the illusions still appears, cool~~~ For the past 2 days it's been only PeiShan and I in the workshop. Erilyn, Vernice and Karyee would come and visit us once in awhile to jealous. Hahas! Yeap, they are jealous alright. Cos we get to use our phones as and when we want to and do whatever we want to cos we've got no teacher supervising us.

Left skool earlier today cos I had to visit the bank to collect some money for Daddy. The first time I go to the bank with a cheque like this. Got the money and Daddy asked me to keep part of the money. So good la!! Got extra allowance. It came just at the right time lo, I'm bankrupt!!

Mummy sent me a msg today to thank me for the mother's day cake and flower that I've got her. She said that she was touched. (awwwww~) and she asked me to stay strong too. I know wad she meant but I just reply her "I very weak meh??" Hahas! Not funny, I know. But why does she have to remind me about that man... Haix!! I fucking cried half way through lunch. Think I still get all emotional when it comes to you...

Came back from bank and when I reach home, Dylan was crying cos Jinyee didn't want to play badminton with him. Fucking irritating man... Time to grow up, you're crying over such a small matter?? Wait till you experience what I went through. And your croc tears are no use anymore lo. Dun think people will pity/symphatise you when you cry. It only gets me all irritated and I felt like screaming at you to shut the Fuck up!! Seriously, wad's with kids these days...

Elik then dragged Dylan down and finally, some peace. Went to sleep at 5++ and just woke up at 12++. Guess all those optic illusion things seriously made my eyes feel like popping out lo... Went to check on the hamsters just now. I wonder why hamsters sleep with like only half of their eyes shut. Can sleep meh?? So bright lo...

Talked to you after your date with her... Sometimes, I really wonder... 정확히 내가 누구라고 생각해?? Do you still have the slightest feeling for me still?? Hahas! I guess not ba... Nonetheless, I'll just stay by your side no matter wad :))) 사랑해~ <3

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Lalalalalala~ Sing a happy song~!

As requested by you, this post will be a long long one! So here it goes...

So let's see... It's been 3 days that I haven't been updating this blog. These 3 days can consider to be happy ba. Since the last post, many things had happened. Some have to be kept secret, some I would so love to share!!!

So, on Sunday stayed at home the whole day. Even though quite sian but still fun. Had a really good sleep the night before^^ unfortunately, was woken up by daddy to do hamster de stuffs. So I dragged myself off the bed at around 10+ in the morning. At that time when I woke up, daddy mummy was already half way through the cleaning of the cages. So I just did the rest with daddy like cleaned mi's cage and showered hei. Hei's fur looked very unhealthy so decided to let him shower with water rather than sand. I made the water and daddy showered him. He so guai lo! He didn't bite at all!! After he showered, left him in the container with a towel wraped around him cos he seems to look kinda cold. After his fur was dry, it was time to put him back to cleaned home. He was happy with his cage alright. Then after that, cleaned mi's cage. Had a lot of cleaning to do cos her cage got many small parts. When finally it was time to assemble the cage back again, daddy put Jolie out to play. She kept climbing into mi's cage while I was assembling them. And she poo poo inside!!! >:( afterwards settled everything and everyone was happy with their clean cages. And the 3 hamsters slept throughout the day so no playing with them.

In the afternoon, daddy cooked frog+scallop porridge. It was delicious!! But in my bowl of porridge, like 30% Are the bones lo... It still tasted nice tho. Had a very satisfactory lunch. After lunch, daddy mummy went to sleep so I also slack lo. Managed to chat with you for almost a whole afternoon. And finally, it was dinner!!!! Yay!!! The highlight of the meal, grilled salmon!!! My fave!!! But daddy didn't made much so all of us only had a little each. And after dinner, drank 2 bottles of bacardi. The peach one i dun like!! I'd rather drink the raspberry one which tastes like cough med. I think I drank too fast?? Got dizzy spells so went back to the room while the rest of the family was watching "you're the apple of my eye". You went out with your parents drinking yst. You drank 2 bottles too but it's beer and I think the amount also more than mine. You're just better in drinking okay ;ppp

When I was in the room, images of the morning kept flashing through my mind lo. I was like omg!!! Now I know how you felt man... So nice yet weird... Heng I was alone in the room lo. Else my sister will be shocked to see my facial expression... Had a short chat with you afterward and went to sleep.

Today was fine. Normal skool day, first 2 periods was used to check our mark sheet for SA1. jialat ah... Everything just pass only. Have to buck up lo~~~ The rest of the day in skool, had D&T intensive while the whole of the cohort which is taking o level Chinese this year had their MT intensive. And for D&T intensive, it's only PeiShan and I. Both of us like emo only. In the workshop so ulu... Only 2 of us so we talked to the teachers a little and started our work. Since it was only the 2 of us, had some girls talk. Talked about you a little and told her some facts on guys these and that and that was how we survived till 2++pm. Then teacher came in to check on our progress and Mr Tan asked me to add in some optical illusion stuffs into my product to make it seem more amusing. So for the next 1-2 hours or so, i kept staring into my phone like gong and tried to look for some optical illusion stuffs to fit my artifact. Those optical illusions stuffs almost made me faint lo... Keep playing with my eyes and my brains. All these that im doin better pay off or else i would really need go to the hospital and get IV Drips lo like how china students who are preparing for collage exams are doing. Today Mr Oh had to leave skool early cos he had to got CIP with his class thank CIP man!! So came home did foam mask which did a thorough cleaning on my face. My pimples are almost gone. That product really work miracles. After I was done with the mask, had a nap till around 6.

Texted you and stuffs like that till you had to attend a meeting. Your meeting ended very early uh... And i asked you if you will be free tml or not wah. You very busy lo. Tml night you'll be going to find her till midnight. Wed shell be going to your house overnight. Thursday, everybody will be going to your house celebrate your birthday which I better not be present at. So, asked you if you would be free at night today. And you said yes (yayyyyy!!!!!!) so I faster did up your birthday card in a rush while you had your shower and I rushed out of the house almost immediately. Waited for the bus for 15-20mins. Non peak hours uh... Rushed to get cakes for your mini birthday celebration and mummy for mothers day. And rushed to your house under the block. Actually wanted to just sing song there, pass you the card and leave but then your parents asked me to go upstairs instead so had a mini celebration in the kitchen. Sang you birthday song in 3 languages. You made your wish and blew off the candle. I wonder wad you wished for... Hmm... After that, you sent me downstairs and gave me some Ideas for the optical illusions thing. Your ideas are really creative la!!

It was a happy day for me. Got to see your family again. Was Kindda happy but sad at the same time la. Hahas!!! Abigail was like "eh~! Sinyee jiejie came!". Was happy that you liked the mini celebration although it was Kindda too early and not well planned. This is one of the promises I made to you and I will fulfill and it's also something small which I can do for your birthday. Thanks so much for having been there for me for the past 2 years ++. Happy nineteen birthday(advanced). Wish you happy always! Iloveyou!!!

LOLLLLs you corrected my mistake... Cool~~~ I was delicious. Wahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!