Goodness gracious!!!

Weee~ I'm back... With more injuries... Guess you can say i did it on purpose. But I still prefer to call it accidental. Cos well, it just doesn't sound like me to do these things on purpose. Anyways, I'm totally sinful to myself la. Last night, Daddy cooked a table of delicious dishes. Can't help it. Too tempting. Eaten 2 bowls of rice. And in the morning, I had 3 soft boiled eggs, 2 pieces of white bread, 11 mussels and had a bowl of fried beehoon. I can't believe myself too, i was full. CERTAINLY!!! But my stomach remained as flat!!! I know something is terribly wrong with my body alright... I mean. Yea, this is not normal and i haven't been starving myself lately. Have been taking heavy meals. Usual weight would normally be 42.++-43kg. But it's dropped to 40.++ and sometimes even 39kg... Tried my best to gain some weight but, nothing seems to work at all!!! FUCK!! When i wanna slim down, i gain weight. When i wanna get healthier, the numbers on the weighing machine just wun increase!!! Damn irritated now. Mummy says that she'll be bringing me to the doctors soon if this continues on. I hate the doctors -.- Always got tests to do and poking here and there. And too many questions from them!! The last time i went there, it was only for menstrual pains. Yet, stayed in the clinic for somewhat 1hour++. Haix! Though i missed being sick. But being sick now is pointless. Wun gain any attention from you. You wun be there to take care of me like you used to. It kindda reminded me of the time when i had fever. I slept in the room while you read Archie's beside me. Suddenly, I sat up and vomited. You were so surprised back then! So caring and patient with me you even packed porridge for me to eat cos i had no appetite at all. Thinking back, I guess I wasn't a good girlfriend after all. Asked you to come to my house even when you're sick. But I did had fun while taking care of you in my own house. Hehes^^ Slept with you after you took your medication, cooked for you, and it was my turn to read Archie's while you sleep that's when you had fever cos the towel on your forehead had to be cooled. I MISSED THOSE TIMES!!! Even though i can't get back those time with you anymore, i sure hope that you would remember those times we had together :))) Those are the memories which are worth to keep cos they are happy memories!!! Hmm... Seems like you really wan her as your wife liao uh... HAHAHAS!!! Okay... I'm sad. But there's nothing that i can do. We are already drifting apart. How i wish it didn't happen but it did. Yet, there's no point crying over spilt milo.(I dun like milk) It's great to know that you're happy. I know, by the time i realize this, I should decide that i should move on. But, I guess I'm just too stubborn. Lalalalala~~~ I guess I'm still gonna hang on even though the journey for me would be tough. I have to cos I have to fight for wad i wan. Nvr in my life have i ever fought so hard for someone that i love. Yea, not even my parents. Fight WITH them then have but nvr FOR them. So, this is something new to me. Hopefully, i succeed!^^ YONG SIN YEE, HWAITING~!

Sharing a boat with him...

Skool went quite well today. Ming bridges came but I wasn't there la.  Cleaned table top and stuffs like that la. Celebrated birthday for March to May babies. Had chocolate cakes (my favorite), prize presentation for to students and got back our report books. That uncle Lim... He got top for c.science, c.humanities and English and apparently came out as top in class. Good brains... I was the one in-charge of the photo taking. Got 4 photos of Edwin on my touchy la. Gonna upload the pix tml. Yea. Sang happy birthday to the birthday babies and had chocolate cakes. The cakes are so addictive la!! Ate one piece but had many left overs so we asked for second piece. Got Miss Azleen's permission and had a second piece of cake. Shared the cake with Rifqi. Miss Azleen made jellies too!! I like the fruits in the jelly. Got back our report books and my results... CMI... Cui ttm!! Today uh... Dunno why. I keep shitting. Now my Asshole burning sia. Ate to much chocolates I think. My waste are so chocolaty color. And for some stupid shit, my weight keeps going down even when I am eating so much these days... Kinda worried that I've shrunk or my boobs turned smaller... Oh no!! So now, I'm on mission gain weight. To get back my boobies fats. No flat chest for me!! After skool, went home. Bored. So watched coyote ugly. I liked the show so cool lo ~ talked to Boxin and we texted about our love. 我们两个的爱情故事还差不多。所以现在我们两同病相怜咯。 Talked about our him or she. Then 互相安慰。 Hahas! Both of us are the pathetic ones hoping for the impossible. Daddy mummy today quarrel cos of that stupid girl. Haix! Let's not talk about it ba. 讨厌!! Anyways, today Mei returned home late. I tot I hearts the door and went out to check. It was dark and I stare around. Suddenly, I tot I saw something and got really scared I dashed into the room and phoned you straight!! Told you wad I saw. You said that my brain's playing tricks on me. Later, jiayee came into the room and I was like. Oh!q you're back... And she was like you dunno meh... And she told me wad she saw. She said that when she came home, I came out. I stared at her for a very long time. And your I saw her. And all of a sudden, I freaked out and ran to the room and slammed the for behind me. SO she was the thing that I saw. Stupid her la! Nvr talk! Scared the hell outta me la!! Shitty mama... After that we compared our results and then I called you to tell you good night and now I'm hiring the sack lo~ good night people. And to you, goodnight, take care, sweet dreams, sleep tight, Iloveyou, imissyou and that's all^^

Determination leads to success!

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Getting me prepared for the worst??

Today, was a day that I think I get injured the most (physically and mentally). First up, I was cutting the acrylic using the bench saw and my finger accidentally bua until the blade. Cut wasn't too deep, so seems like the blade wasn't as sharp afterall. Second time, I was using the small file to file the acrylic. While filing, the sharp tip did a bloody drawing on my palm, creating a beautiful red line across the upper part of my palm, near the index finger. First thing I did, see how deep it was. Heng it wasn't deep much. Around 2-3mm deep and I went on exploring the cut by splitting it. WAHAHAHA!! You must be thinking that I'm crazy but well, I'm just being plain curious... Surprisingly, it didn't even hurt abit. The third injury, now, is the medium sized file. Was filing while I held onto the acrylic so the file slipped and I filed my thumb. It skinned my thumb for a little. Now, it's swollen... Dunno wad's wrong with me la. I know very well that what I did was dangerous but nvr did I wanna take any safety precautions. Except for the protection for my eyes, goggles. Also dunno if I tried to injure myself on purpose or wad... Too many injuries. Call them accidental?? But they occur way too many times in a day. After DnT, went to RCY. Boxin and Jiashin came back cos they just finished their exams. Good for them la... Come back and see us suffer only. Boxin is still as short and nice to bully!! ;DDD RCY today playing captain's ball. Boxin and I were bored, so we took the netball which is used for the ball games and played volley. Fuck pain la!!! First undersurf was nothing much. As we got into the game, the ball hit our arms and I was like "FUCK!!! This is far worse than fucking!!!" (just exaggerating). Felt sharp pains and arms got Kindda sore. But we continued to play. Until I screamed "哇！不可以了！Damn 痛啊!" then we both looked at our arms. Wowweeee~~~ one whole patch red like just BBQ before. Then I realized that I got some red dots underneath my skin. Didn't know wad it was. Went to check it on the Internet. Was quite surprised when they said that I was due to some broken blood vessels. Must have been playing too roughly. Now, some light bruises can be seen on my arms. And the broken blood vessels still remains. Somehow looks Kindda disgusting leh... Like kena some kind of disease like that. So that was the fourth injury of the day. Reached home. Yea, as usual, checked all the social network sites including yours. I see that you changed your DP. The pix... Very sweet hor... Ha ha ha... *suddenly hears something shatter* OMTian...!!! I broke something!!! It's my heart... *heartbroken* But yet I'm still Kindda proud of myself. Cos I think our pix (many of them) look nicer than that!!! Xp
Oopsies~! Am I being too straight forward?? XDDD Not gonna deny it cos imma LEO!!! it's how I am!!! You also know that I'm like this de la. Then suddenly, I find myself staring at you and smile instead. Wahaha!!! You look so cute!!! >.< As I'm composing this entry, I'm texting you. Hehes^^ I told you I'll text you at night de Liao... Dun 小看你这个小妹妹哦！Even though my memory's not that good but I'll nvr ever forget to contact you de. :)))

I'm gonna be a little selfish~!

Skool today as per normal. Did D&T all the way yea. I've managed to finish 10pages today but was all half bucket work so teacher complained. No tablet for us today so can imagine how bored we were. We practically took that as our own room. I got tired so just laid there and slept for quite sometime. Surprisingly, Mr Oh tot that the room was empty. Hahahas!!! Thank goodness!!! Else he'll catch me sleeping so comfortably in that room. Cos i practically took the bench as my bed, used a jacket as my blanket and my bag as a pillow.Yes, I'm that tired... And not to mention, BORED TO SLEEP!!!! I was being kindda selfish cos i refused to do the work while i keep asking for people to help me. Sorry uh... I needa rest so, I'm gonna be a little selfish~ Had a late night yst cos i couldn't sleep until i took the oral therapy. Slept like a baby for the whole night. Shiok ah~ Until i was almost late for skool but it was raining, who cares~ Recently, I had really be a little selfish yea. In many ways la. Most of the time when i did things, I only tot about myself. Yea, it's all bout me, moi, i and myself!! But, HA, who cares~ Just gonna enjoy life like how I am la. No one's gonna ever care bout wad i do now anyways. Yea, I've changed. You changed, so why can't I?? I just wanna be that selfish person who only thinks bout me, cares bout you less and do wad I wanna do bout my own body. It's no use~ It's no use~ Those memories just dun change at all or do they...?? Ain't gonna think bout it aye. Peishan and I treated the enthography room like a k suite. Karaoke in the room with our phones. We just find our own entertainment when teacher just dun give it to us. Sing sang sung many many songs~ Now my throat erherm!!! *pain* Haiz... Same phrase, who cares~ I'm just gonna think bout myself, not even my body can control la. Think I'm gonna do many many things from now on. You moved on so easily(easier than me). I guess only by making myself realize how much I hurt myself trying to move on with things can really help me move on yea?? Tryin stupid things, acting stupid and even making myself feel stupid. Think I'm in such a pity plight?? Yea. I think so too... But, who cares~ No one!! So, let's just let it be... Cos I'm just gonna be...

New found(?) interests~

 I've decided to follow my dreams and get the job that i so wanna get into. HEHES!!!! Working on air!!! So excited la please~~ Although i still got like 3-4 years before i can even apply for the job (after diploma). Somehow, i think i'm confident that i can get the job. Will I??? Hmm... Mind that. Today came home straight after skool as usual... Cooked lunch and locked myself in the room for the whole afternoon surfing the net about clothes, flight attendant, model, and other things that girls would surf the net for. Not forgetting FB of cos. As i tot of my own future career and stuffs, grew more and more excited and eventually, i managed to keep him outta my mind for quite sometime. Not bad~~~~ Great achievement!!! *applaud* Also dunno if he will ever think of me la like puhlease~~~ I'm... You know... The only one who's trying to be so stubborn lo. HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm a FOOL~~~ But somehow i just like it this way. OOPS~! ^~^ But now have to be good girl with big dreams. Practically dreaming and wishing for the impossible to happen but wad can i do?? IMMA LEO FEMALE~ ROARRRRRR!!!! I like challenges. So, this time, I'm gonna challenge myself to a long term(?) challenge!!! YEAH!!! Hopefully i can pass this challenge la. Dun even know how then can say that i completed the challenge le leh... Questions i give myself. Yea, i think a lot. In fact, i always think too much de lo. But it does mean that my brain's good right?? *grins* Tml D&T intensive again... Sian uh... Tml cannot use workshop some more so hate to stare at tablet for 8-9 hours~~~ Later my eyes go @.@ Wahahaha!!! So cute!!

My own little prayer ~

Dear God,

  I pray that you'd be kind enough to get rid of all the bitches in my life and bring me my prince. The one who'd share all that he is with me and be able to conquer all problems in our lives together. Will there every be a guy like that?? I know you've already planned my life ahead for me although i dunno if it's the same plan i had in mind for myself. I just pray that you would show me what I should do now and also wad's not worth to do cos I feel like I may not be able to finish this movie that you've scripted out anymore. My life's crushed by this one failure. I tried regaining myself again but it's not helping me in neither ways. And God, why do you have to make me go through all these at one go?? I really think that I'm losing myself soon. Yes, I may act like I dun care and like it doesn't bother me at all. But God, you know me the best. How can I not care?? Maybe yes, by looking at them now I am okay but why do I always have that "that should be me" feeling?! I am slowly trying to let go. But each time I try doing so, I end up clinging onto him even tighter. I dun care how even if you were to make me into a heartless slut, please make me immune to all that's going on in my life. It's suffocating me. All the sleepless nights, all the feelings which made me scared, all the hurtings i've brought to myself. Not forgetting the people i've hurt during this period of time. Teachers see me, dunno wad to do. Counselor see me, dunno how to talk me out. Parents see me, heartbroken. Friends see me: She's such a broken down piece of shit! Hamster see me dun, wanna play with me. Strangers see me like I'm some kind of lost soul that they pity. So God, WAD DO I DO?? Or rather, WAD DID I DO?? All i think i did was to love a guy the way i think would show him the way i am thinking that he would accept me as i am. Now, God, tell me, IS THAT SOOOOOO WRONG??? ARGH!!!! I've shown him all of me that he can just read me like a storybook and just when i had already a firm answer to the same question that people always ask me, he steadily sentenced me to the 18th level of the hell gates. Maybe God, you may think that I'm over reacting but am i?? Is this wad teenagers would always go through?? I'm not sure but i think He is my first love and maybe the last. Will I every be able to get up onto my feet again and rely on another guy?? Or will i just rely on another girl?? (Gross~ Yet i dun think i mind) Well, at least girls would stay faithful to their partners. No?? Hmm... God, i have another question. Why do you create men and women differently?? Why is there lust, betrayal, loyalty, faithfulness, trust, honesty, or even, WHY IS THERE LOVE?? And why does this love thingy make humans have this mixed feelings of happiness, comfort, trust, secure, and at the same time, fear, jealousy, distrust and sadness?? I have so many questions on my head. So God, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! I pray that you'll answer my prayers as long as the questions i have. And hopefully the things that i want, you give to me as i sow my seeds to the harvest that i expect.



-The cries of a broken child-

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Even though it's different now, you're still here somehow~

Yeap! Things are different now. Gotta accept reality as it is. It's cruel, everyone know it yet life still goes on... It took me quite some short time. I guess all I can do now is to use my imagination dat's all. Went for counseling today. And yea... Still, took 2 hours in there again. Talked a lot. Yup, I'm not ready to forget I'm not ready to give up. But I still have plans for myself. So I'm just gonna put our things aside first. Have to also take into consideration my dear's feelings la. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. Someone once told me that love is selfish. I loved him way too much I can't lose him totally. Haven been able to focus on my studies much so Mrs Stella Goh tot me a method I can help myself and motivate myself to study. I really loved the idea. Let's just hope that it works for me^^ *fingers crossed* These days, I haven't been me. I missed the old me who would be so childish towards this one person just so that I can see him return an aegyo back. Missed those times. Hahas!! Had a really good talk with Mrs Goh and she tot me many things and told me things that I have to know. Although those things that she said did hurt me a lot but yea. I guess it's true. I have to be prepared I still have my own future whether or not he's gonna be in it. Yea, Mrs Goh did tell me that I'm intelligent. I know what I should do yet my heart just tells me otherwise. Hahas! But that's me. Silly and stubborn. I hurt myself yet I didn't mind at all. Dug a really deep hole for myself to be burried in yet I'm not doing anything to make the hole shallow again. One day, I'm just gonna jump into that hole and be gone forever. Had always tot that it would be the best solution of all yet, I am having doubts about it. How about my dreams?? I had set myself to be successful. Am I just gonna die without having to feel the success in my life?? So I've decided that yes, I may still be harbouring some feelings for you but I'm not gonna let it show or let it affect my studies or my life. May I wish myself luck cos I know it's nvr gonna be easy. One day, I'll make Miley cyrus' I miss you depict the situation I'm in.

I will love you with all my heart.

Dear You,

You had always been there for me. Phone you and you'll pick up, always. Although you always make my life journey go up and down, and up and down. But i know that it was all for my own good. You wanted to mold me into a better person. I've went through many trails and tribulations yet you were always there for me. Even though you would always beat around the bush and want me to find the answers to my questions myself, but in the end, you (Jehovah-rohi) would always help me pull through. You placed many people in my life to teach me the things that i dun understand. You make yearn for you 24/7 cos of the safe and security you give to me when i'm with you. With you, I know i'll be happy cos you are my Jehovah Jireh. You make me believe that i can have all the things i want. You also make me understand that i can't always get everything that i want. You make me go through pain and suffering so that can learn from my mistakes. You are El Roi who sees a wretch like me as a person you would very much adore. You are my Jehovah-Shalom who would bring peace to me whenever i felt extremely paranoid. I really treasure the time that we had and had spent together. As my Jehovah-Rapha, you healed my broken heart and stuck back the pieces to where it should have been. No one could have done a better job than you in piecing back the puzzle of my heart. I know you see the scars that still remains which made it look ugly but you accepted me as it is. Despite the many difficulties, we managed to pull through as one. I took advantage of you and would only look for you in times of need but nvr once did you reject my requests. I AM certain that i would love you always. I may be a pauper hiding in the city of lost souls, yet you rescued me from danger and brought me back to safety. I will give my whole heart to you cos i know you will nvr break it. Even if you do, i know that you would piece each and every bit of my heart back again. I will love you with all my life, knowing that you would do the same too.

Emptiness...

I woke up crying, feeling all empty inside me. I was so scared. I tried calling you though knowing that you'd nvr pick up. It really was terrifying. I needed someone to talk to me. Soon enough, I felt my face heat up and without me noticing, a drop of tear rolled down my cheek. Do I really wanna do this?? It's really hard! It's not the first time It had happened. It always does. And it hurts. I hate the feeling of being alone. It scares me. Yes, I'm crazy. I think about you still over and over. There were many what if-s questions on my mind. And now I know, you'll no longer help me answer them ever again. So from whom shallth I seek all these answers from?? I need them answered. I need my comfort. I missed your hugs. I feel so lost. I missed the way you always helped me through. I think I'm going crazy. I missed the way you whisper into my ears telling me that everything would be fine. I feel like dying. That's the feeling Have nvr gotten before when you're with me. It is also the feeling which felt strongest each time I thought of you. I can't seem to get you outta mind! I read fiction stories hoping that we are just like the main leads. Nvr tot that one day you would totally ignore me. Will I be really alright without your presence anymore?? I want you to tell me the feelings you have inside. Maybe I would make myself die for one last time cos I'd rather commit suicide(die fast) than live with an illness which kills me more each and everyday(slow death).

Good night, take care, sweet dreams, iloveyou...

It hurts... </3

Weeeee~ I'm posting again!! It's only like 3 in the morning and I'm up. Head spinning, heart racing due to alcohol. Yea. Got myself drunk. Normally drink Bacardi with only 4.8% de me today doubled my alcohol intake. Tried a new brand which has a concentration of 8%/vol. So it's equivalent to consuming 3-4 times my normal alcohol intake cos I drank 2 bottles (with left over). The feeling when the effect comes in, nice until you think that you wanna vomit. Lay down on the bed for awhile then felt like something is gushing out of my mouth. Chiong ah~! Like pathetic only, sit beside toilet bowl until something comes out.

I msg you by accident was supposed to send that text to jingxiang. When I saw your reply was like why you msg me?? How you know I drinking leh?? Then I realized I msg wrong person... Haiz! I'm sorry.

After drinking, I made a decision. It wasn't an easy decision but I guess that's the only way left. Hope it works.

你又老一岁咯~!

Happy 19th birthday, Liow xin quan!!!! It's your 19th birthday today! All I can do for you is to celebrate an advanced birthday for you, get you a present and make you a birthday card la... You accepted everything that I did and gave you *happy2*. Though this year can't celebrate with you how we did last year, but still hope you really were happy with that mini celebration la.

Birthday msg:
Thank you so much for having been by my side for the past 2 years! Had many many many many many many many many many many many many memories with you! I thank God that he had placed you in my life. You taught me many things from how to be a good girlfriend to how to be a good person. For the past 1year 6months and 9days that we were together, we went through hard times together and did almost everything together!!! *spazz about past*. You were also there for me even when we broke up. Hehes^^ Might sound ridiculous, but well, I could have died if it wasn't for you. You know all of my darkest secrets and habits. You are one of the rarest person I'm gonna find in life, Someone who knows me better than I do! I had promised you many things and now, I'm gonna slowly fulfill all of it. By having the mini celebration and your birthday present, I had already fulfilled 2 out of the many!! Yayyyyy!!!! Still got many many more to go though. Those promises may not apply to you already, but it sure still applies to me :))) Hehes^^ Although some promises are like life time commitments, but I'll try my very best to fulfill it even if you think it's unnecessary. 那些都是我对你订下的陈诺，就算是得用一辈子的时间来实现，我还是会经我所能去搬到的!! So, yea. Once again, happy birthday, 생일축하합니다, joyeux anniversaire, お誕生日おめでとうございます，生日快乐, selamat ulang tahun,Chúc mừng sinh nhật, สุขสันต์วันเกิด!!! 

P.s. 영원히 사랑해~! <3

Love,
Sinyee
(170512)

Ruining things...

Didn't start my day quite well today. Start of skool, was talking to you. Dunno why all if a sudden we talked about quarreling. Then, suddenly I told you that I'm still staying penguin. Yea. That fucking changed the attitude of you towards me. Ruined my own day. Fuck!!! For the rest of the day, I really dunno wad to do. You'll be with her for the rest of the day. So we can't text cos she really dun like. Dun see you doing that when we were together. Ask you dun contact her yet you still texted her when you're with me. In know you say Is different case ma. But I dun see the difference. The only difference I see is how you treat us and her differently lo. Yea. You created twitter cos of her, you go find her when you told me that you were with your guy friends and I even suspected that you left me cos of her too!*smirk* Dunno wad to say la. But yea, you became the person you once said that you wouldn't.

D&T today as usual. First hour of D&T intensive, slack cos teacher wasn't there when we needed them. Did some modeling and testing. And dizzy for whole day even with no optical illusions staring today. I'm angry at myself la!!! Why am I falling sick now lo... Haiz! Gonna go for counseling again soon cos Ms Stella goh wanna talk to me. Think I really needa talk to her also. Gonna have a good round of crying session with her again. I really needa cry man... I had been really down recently but nothing seems to be coming out! Pathetic me... Cannot cry Also needa go counseling, I'm sick!!

Teacher de expectations on peishan and I really very high. They wan us to finish everything by next week?! Oh bitch please, we're not robots. I'm already stressed enough that white hair is growing in my scalp! My flower only need to do 6-7 pages of DD?? Crazy man~ physics teacher and English teacher also got give homework when we also having our own intensive. I'm dying le lo... Everybody seems to be wanting me to do more. One day, I'm just gonna collapse under the stress.

Came home at 430 and now, I think I'm gonna go sleep le. Good night, take care and sweet dreams!

P.s. 난 니가 보고싶어서.

You spin my head right round, right round~

Weeee~ Had been having very very dizzy days for the past 2 Days. Staring at optical illusion stuffs for hours and hours just to get one nice nice de illusion for my product to fulfill that amusement part. Finally had the pictures printed out. And the illusions still appears, cool~~~ For the past 2 days it's been only PeiShan and I in the workshop. Erilyn, Vernice and Karyee would come and visit us once in awhile to jealous. Hahas! Yeap, they are jealous alright. Cos we get to use our phones as and when we want to and do whatever we want to cos we've got no teacher supervising us.

Left skool earlier today cos I had to visit the bank to collect some money for Daddy. The first time I go to the bank with a cheque like this. Got the money and Daddy asked me to keep part of the money. So good la!! Got extra allowance. It came just at the right time lo, I'm bankrupt!!

Mummy sent me a msg today to thank me for the mother's day cake and flower that I've got her. She said that she was touched. (awwwww~) and she asked me to stay strong too. I know wad she meant but I just reply her "I very weak meh??" Hahas! Not funny, I know. But why does she have to remind me about that man... Haix!! I fucking cried half way through lunch. Think I still get all emotional when it comes to you...

Came back from bank and when I reach home, Dylan was crying cos Jinyee didn't want to play badminton with him. Fucking irritating man... Time to grow up, you're crying over such a small matter?? Wait till you experience what I went through. And your croc tears are no use anymore lo. Dun think people will pity/symphatise you when you cry. It only gets me all irritated and I felt like screaming at you to shut the Fuck up!! Seriously, wad's with kids these days...

Elik then dragged Dylan down and finally, some peace. Went to sleep at 5++ and just woke up at 12++. Guess all those optic illusion things seriously made my eyes feel like popping out lo... Went to check on the hamsters just now. I wonder why hamsters sleep with like only half of their eyes shut. Can sleep meh?? So bright lo...

Talked to you after your date with her... Sometimes, I really wonder... 정확히 내가 누구라고 생각해?? Do you still have the slightest feeling for me still?? Hahas! I guess not ba... Nonetheless, I'll just stay by your side no matter wad :))) 사랑해~ <3

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Lalalalalala~ Sing a happy song~!

As requested by you, this post will be a long long one! So here it goes...

So let's see... It's been 3 days that I haven't been updating this blog. These 3 days can consider to be happy ba. Since the last post, many things had happened. Some have to be kept secret, some I would so love to share!!!

So, on Sunday stayed at home the whole day. Even though quite sian but still fun. Had a really good sleep the night before^^ unfortunately, was woken up by daddy to do hamster de stuffs. So I dragged myself off the bed at around 10+ in the morning. At that time when I woke up, daddy mummy was already half way through the cleaning of the cages. So I just did the rest with daddy like cleaned mi's cage and showered hei. Hei's fur looked very unhealthy so decided to let him shower with water rather than sand. I made the water and daddy showered him. He so guai lo! He didn't bite at all!! After he showered, left him in the container with a towel wraped around him cos he seems to look kinda cold. After his fur was dry, it was time to put him back to cleaned home. He was happy with his cage alright. Then after that, cleaned mi's cage. Had a lot of cleaning to do cos her cage got many small parts. When finally it was time to assemble the cage back again, daddy put Jolie out to play. She kept climbing into mi's cage while I was assembling them. And she poo poo inside!!! >:( afterwards settled everything and everyone was happy with their clean cages. And the 3 hamsters slept throughout the day so no playing with them.

In the afternoon, daddy cooked frog+scallop porridge. It was delicious!! But in my bowl of porridge, like 30% Are the bones lo... It still tasted nice tho. Had a very satisfactory lunch. After lunch, daddy mummy went to sleep so I also slack lo. Managed to chat with you for almost a whole afternoon. And finally, it was dinner!!!! Yay!!! The highlight of the meal, grilled salmon!!! My fave!!! But daddy didn't made much so all of us only had a little each. And after dinner, drank 2 bottles of bacardi. The peach one i dun like!! I'd rather drink the raspberry one which tastes like cough med. I think I drank too fast?? Got dizzy spells so went back to the room while the rest of the family was watching "you're the apple of my eye". You went out with your parents drinking yst. You drank 2 bottles too but it's beer and I think the amount also more than mine. You're just better in drinking okay ;ppp

When I was in the room, images of the morning kept flashing through my mind lo. I was like omg!!! Now I know how you felt man... So nice yet weird... Heng I was alone in the room lo. Else my sister will be shocked to see my facial expression... Had a short chat with you afterward and went to sleep.

Today was fine. Normal skool day, first 2 periods was used to check our mark sheet for SA1. jialat ah... Everything just pass only. Have to buck up lo~~~ The rest of the day in skool, had D&T intensive while the whole of the cohort which is taking o level Chinese this year had their MT intensive. And for D&T intensive, it's only PeiShan and I. Both of us like emo only. In the workshop so ulu... Only 2 of us so we talked to the teachers a little and started our work. Since it was only the 2 of us, had some girls talk. Talked about you a little and told her some facts on guys these and that and that was how we survived till 2++pm. Then teacher came in to check on our progress and Mr Tan asked me to add in some optical illusion stuffs into my product to make it seem more amusing. So for the next 1-2 hours or so, i kept staring into my phone like gong and tried to look for some optical illusion stuffs to fit my artifact. Those optical illusions stuffs almost made me faint lo... Keep playing with my eyes and my brains. All these that im doin better pay off or else i would really need go to the hospital and get IV Drips lo like how china students who are preparing for collage exams are doing. Today Mr Oh had to leave skool early cos he had to got CIP with his class thank CIP man!! So came home did foam mask which did a thorough cleaning on my face. My pimples are almost gone. That product really work miracles. After I was done with the mask, had a nap till around 6.

Texted you and stuffs like that till you had to attend a meeting. Your meeting ended very early uh... And i asked you if you will be free tml or not wah. You very busy lo. Tml night you'll be going to find her till midnight. Wed shell be going to your house overnight. Thursday, everybody will be going to your house celebrate your birthday which I better not be present at. So, asked you if you would be free at night today. And you said yes (yayyyyy!!!!!!) so I faster did up your birthday card in a rush while you had your shower and I rushed out of the house almost immediately. Waited for the bus for 15-20mins. Non peak hours uh... Rushed to get cakes for your mini birthday celebration and mummy for mothers day. And rushed to your house under the block. Actually wanted to just sing song there, pass you the card and leave but then your parents asked me to go upstairs instead so had a mini celebration in the kitchen. Sang you birthday song in 3 languages. You made your wish and blew off the candle. I wonder wad you wished for... Hmm... After that, you sent me downstairs and gave me some Ideas for the optical illusions thing. Your ideas are really creative la!!

It was a happy day for me. Got to see your family again. Was Kindda happy but sad at the same time la. Hahas!!! Abigail was like "eh~! Sinyee jiejie came!". Was happy that you liked the mini celebration although it was Kindda too early and not well planned. This is one of the promises I made to you and I will fulfill and it's also something small which I can do for your birthday. Thanks so much for having been there for me for the past 2 years ++. Happy nineteen birthday(advanced). Wish you happy always! Iloveyou!!!

LOLLLLs you corrected my mistake... Cool~~~ I was delicious. Wahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Hair cut! *snip snip snip*

Had my hair done today. It cost 200+ bucks lo... And it's like... Omg!! When I told mummy I wanna snip off my fringe, she objected but in the end she says that I look cute in bangs. Now both of us have the same hairstyle. And the picture! I promised to upload and you must too!

Today went to Malaysia. Mummy took a new route and as usual, got lost. Kept basking and asking for help to reach the destination. Had our hair done and went shopping at city square.

Spent lots of money there. (of cos. Not my money) bought clothes and shoes, ate a lot too! Spent over a thousand bucks in Malaysia today. Then mummy was saying "dunno is mothers'day or youth day, why am I spending so much on you uh??" I only giggled to myself.

After we reached home Daddy asked me how much money mummy spent on me. Then I asked him why he asked. He said that mummy asked him to give her 500 bucks cos she knew that I would be asking her to buy me stuffs. My mummy very smart uh...

Went to giant at night after we came back from Malaysia. Spent 200+ bucks. Bought salmon, frog, alcohol, birds' nest, fruit juice and etc. so had a lot to carry just now.

I just realized. You still visit this blog?? Omg!! *embarrassed* I dunno eh!! But anyways, yea. I'll just treat it as no one visits here and continue posting whatever my heart feels like pouring out. Hahas!

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After exams!

Wooo~ Exams ended lo... Got back all my papers lo! Gotta say that there was a drastic plunge in my grades. These 5 papers which I used to ace, now all C only. English: 59 humanities: 59 D&T: 54 math: 59 science: 52
Drop very badly yet already expected. Nvr study no mood study so didn't study lo. Can say I think very good le la. But wad the hell... L1R4 get 23?! No way!!! Where do i go scoring like this?! Was really upset la...

Wednesday was marking day. Went to orchard to walk alone *forever alone* everyone's busy with their own stuffs. Went to A&F and got your present. So long since I went there lo. The last time I went there was with you. And we spent hours walking around... Memories~~

Yesterday we talked on the phone. I was happy cos you were the one who phoned me. You told me that you would call back and you did!!! I was surprised. In my phonebook, there's nvr once that I would see green arrow calls from you continuously for more than 5 times. It's always red arrows more than 10 times continuously. So I was happy that I even crossed your mind for even one second.

Think I've been really paranoid these days. See you upset I also feel very miserable ah... Dunno wad's wrong with me la. Thinking about things like if I had endured your ignorance towards me, we would have just broken up. But for some reasons I still think that it was her fault. Or was it mine?? But I've finally come to realize that I really love you even till now. I didn't thought I would lose you one day that's why I didn't take much actions as to wad you told me. Cos everytime we quarrel, it wouldn't last longer than a day. When I realize that you're starting to let go, I was desperate. I didn't know wad to do. The way you talk to me changed. Anyways, you know?? Girls can do better research than a FBI when they are jealous or upset about their boyfriends. I did my research on you. Found out things that I Kindda expected but wished wasn't true. But it's all obvious. Yet still, I can't bring myself to hate you. Now, all I can do is to 做你的小妹妹 and be there for you when you need me ba. I'm 24/7 in service for you. Call me anytime you feel like talking to someone. I'll always be there for you, never will I leave you as a total stranger again. Iloveyou... I'm sorry I couldn't let you go.

Beak!!!

Wahahaha!!! Almost one week nvr post lo... Within 1 week got drunk 2 times le. Yeap. I dunno wad I can say anymore le I guess... Can see that you really love her uh. Then wad do I do?? Lanlan lo... But I guess I'm just happy to see you happy also. But will still get heartbroken once in awhile, I guess that's when alcohol comes in handy. Yes, got drunk again. Like the feeling uh!! especially the aftereffects of being drunk.

Went to Malaysia on Friday and just got back yesterday. The trip was... Uh... Fun?? Bought 2 cakes to celebrate mothers' and fathers' day cake. That day really ate too much le... Morning woke up at 9+ had soya bean milk and you tiao. At 12, lunch. 3 second round of lunch had salmon and mussels. Best!! Very long time since I ate mussels. Still tastes the same^^ that restaurant very generous. Ordered a whole jug of ice lemon tea. That whole jug, dunno can contain how many glasses. I drank almost half of that whole jug!!! That thing is so sweet la!!! Buay tahan ah!! They should have added more lemons in it! That night, other cousins came. Went to k after eating. Drank beer and red wine, sang songs my whole family was partying but I've no mood for that la. Hahas! Went back home after the whole 3 hours of k session ends. Went home, got KFC for supper play PS2 then went to sleep.

Next morning, whole family wad talking about us. About why we broke up and stuffs. Hehes^^ almost teared but had to hold it in. Really missed you while I was there. Like always. Came back to Malaysia and checked my phone. Sent you a msg before I left for Malaysia. Even though it's only a good night text, I was hoping for a reply. Sadly, there wasn't any so... Yea. I dunno!!

Texted you yesterday for almost a whole day after I came back. Asked you many questions. Thanks so much for answering those questions. You went drinking yesterday with Mr J family and zhiwen. Good that you didn't got drunk but I know that you're a little tipsy. Talked to you on the phone. You called me^^ (yayyyyy!!!!) you know why I say that you were tipsy?? Cos you accidentally called me wad you used to and, You know why... Wahahaha!!! You win le lo... You really made me happy in you know wad sense. Had a good night sleep after that. Thank you uh!!!

失去的那一条鱼对我来说真的太珍贵了。他是永远都不能被代替的。希望你能明白。很多次，我尝试过，想把你忘掉甚至想要恨你。可是就是做不到。对不起，一切都是我的错。

Just drink~~~

Last night had a blast man! I asked daddy to get Bacardi back home cos I wasn't feeling mentally well. He bought 4 bottles for me^^ after dinner, down 1 within 5 minutes. Was sitting on the sofa and my head started to spin already. Stopped for awhile and wait for the spins to get better. After that, drank red wine. Felt curious and started to take another bottle of Bacardi out to mix with the wine. It tasted not bad so I ended up gulping down 2 glasses. Next, vodka. 1:2 pax vodka tonic. Hard to swallow but eventually drank to the last drop. Tummy felt uncomfortable and tot I was gonna puke already but in the end, only gas came out. Guess I was still walking straight and looking fine. Daddy mummy didn't suspect at all that I was drunk :)))

After that took a shower, called you to chat and went to bed. Had a good sleep, nice dream and cried a bit. I like being drunk. I guess that will be the only time I can sleep in peace and fall in love with you in my dreams without anybody ever caring so much or you resisting.

However, wake up in the morning and my head hurts. Got used to it anyways. For the past 1-2 weeks same thing everyday. Headache, here ache, there pain. Now I think I'm really such a mess!!! Where is dat xiaomeimei who used to conquered these pains in the past?? Well, I think I still have the lover missing... Wonder how it would feel like to be drunk outdoors. Will I do silly things?? Shall try soon...

Anyways, good morning peeps!
Lucky I've no paper today^^

That's how stranger I felt.

Yea. Now only like 5:53AM but I am already up cos I tot of you... it really isn't that east for me to forget you. How you sleep, how you smile, how you always give people that "you win Liao lo" face. Find it most adorable when you smile :DDD

So you went drinking yesterday. So did Jasper too!!! But you two were drinking with two different groups of people. Msg you also nvr reply. So I also dun bother to even call Liao la. Cos dun need to say, you confirm wun pick up de!!! Cos she's around ma... I wonder if you ever did that to other girls when you're with me too... I guess NOT!! it's only when you doing NPCC things you'll do that lo...

Saw that photo. Was like "wow~~~ okay..." I wonder if your parents even know about your current night life... Sometimes I really wished that I was born earlier... Then there'll be a lot of things that I can do right now. Cos in Singapore, once you're 18, you can drink, get married, you can drive, get a life, no restrictions, have freedom! It's hard to resist the temptations of being 18. However, also comes with responsibilities. Who would wanna get married at 18?? Wanna drink, drive and die?? No??

It really was hard to resist the temptations to send you a text msg just because I've always been doing that. Hard to break the habit chain cycle. That is how you've already became a part of my lifestyle. Without any replies from you, I tot of the things that you would do and might be doing maybe when you're drunk(?)

With her around now, I'm just a nothing just like how you used a cloth to polish your boots till that cloth is totally stained with black spots and you just flung it aside and get a new one. Can't even msg you, call you or contact you when she's around. Wad am I?? Who do you treat me as?? Do you know how i treat you?? Questions kept flowing through my mind. Yet, I dun get any answers even if I asked you.

Talked to Gerald for the whole night. Shared some gossips too. Hahas!!! Really thankful to him. If not for him, I guess I'll be terrorizing your text and calls by now. Think you'll be totally freaked out la... You said that you'll teach me for math and physics. But you went drinking yst night so might not be able to do so. Excuses(?) I think despite getting a hang over, you'll be going to find her lo... Cos why?? Told you le, I'm already nothing to you le. Right??

One of the reasons why you wanna break up with me. Cos I'm childish and immature. Now I can tell you that you're the immature one instead. I finally realised why I even put in the effort to convey those msg I wan you to know into stories. I'm not that straight forward and cruel uh... Hahas!! So you took advantage of my sympathy and judged that I'm immature. I know how it feels like to be told off by the person closest to you about the flaws that you have. I had my darling telling me that. It felt bad. I didn't want that to happen so I tried some other ways which you deemed as immature.

The longer I talk to other people about us, the more I felt that actually, I wasn't at fault! It's the communication wise which made the problem difficult. Wrong interpreting an intention which was not to harm. Nevertheless, I still love you for who you are now and maybe forever. The memories we had together and the fun times we spent together. You fulfilled my childhood dreams of wanting to fall ever so deep in love. I feel I can die in peace already. But I can't. It always fails...