I pray that you'd be kind enough to get rid of all the bitches in my life and bring me my prince. The one who'd share all that he is with me and be able to conquer all problems in our lives together. Will there every be a guy like that?? I know you've already planned my life ahead for me although i dunno if it's the same plan i had in mind for myself. I just pray that you would show me what I should do now and also wad's not worth to do cos I feel like I may not be able to finish this movie that you've scripted out anymore. My life's crushed by this one failure. I tried regaining myself again but it's not helping me in neither ways. And God, why do you have to make me go through all these at one go?? I really think that I'm losing myself soon. Yes, I may act like I dun care and like it doesn't bother me at all. But God, you know me the best. How can I not care?? Maybe yes, by looking at them now I am okay but why do I always have that "that should be me" feeling?! I am slowly trying to let go. But each time I try doing so, I end up clinging onto him even tighter. I dun care how even if you were to make me into a heartless slut, please make me immune to all that's going on in my life. It's suffocating me. All the sleepless nights, all the feelings which made me scared, all the hurtings i've brought to myself. Not forgetting the people i've hurt during this period of time. Teachers see me, dunno wad to do. Counselor see me, dunno how to talk me out. Parents see me, heartbroken. Friends see me: She's such a broken down piece of shit! Hamster see me dun, wanna play with me. Strangers see me like I'm some kind of lost soul that they pity. So God, WAD DO I DO?? Or rather, WAD DID I DO?? All i think i did was to love a guy the way i think would show him the way i am thinking that he would accept me as i am. Now, God, tell me, IS THAT SOOOOOO WRONG??? ARGH!!!! I've shown him all of me that he can just read me like a storybook and just when i had already a firm answer to the same question that people always ask me, he steadily sentenced me to the 18th level of the hell gates. Maybe God, you may think that I'm over reacting but am i?? Is this wad teenagers would always go through?? I'm not sure but i think He is my first love and maybe the last. Will I every be able to get up onto my feet again and rely on another guy?? Or will i just rely on another girl?? (Gross~ Yet i dun think i mind) Well, at least girls would stay faithful to their partners. No?? Hmm... God, i have another question. Why do you create men and women differently?? Why is there lust, betrayal, loyalty, faithfulness, trust, honesty, or even, WHY IS THERE LOVE?? And why does this love thingy make humans have this mixed feelings of happiness, comfort, trust, secure, and at the same time, fear, jealousy, distrust and sadness?? I have so many questions on my head. So God, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! I pray that you'll answer my prayers as long as the questions i have. And hopefully the things that i want, you give to me as i sow my seeds to the harvest that i expect.
-The cries of a broken child-
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
